


Ego

by helvonasche



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Sexual Situations, Best Friends, Cunnilingus, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Frottage, NSFW, Porn with Feelings, Premature Ejaculation, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-12 06:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11156082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helvonasche/pseuds/helvonasche
Summary: Leaning back on the couch and taking a sip of your whiskey, you tried to be sneaky as you looked at him. It was supposed to be a nice evening with a few friends, but it turned into a prolonged exhibition of your own humility. Why he was invited is beyond you, but you can’t help yourself. Your eyes are drawn to him as he talks, laughs, and simply exists in the same space that you happen to occupy.





	1. Chapter 1

Leaning back on the couch and taking a sip of your whiskey, you tried to be sneaky as you looked at him. It was supposed to be a nice evening with a few friends, but it turned into a prolonged exhibition of your own humility. Why he was invited is beyond you, but you can’t help yourself. Your eyes are drawn to him as he talks, laughs, and simply exists in the same space that you happen to occupy.

It’s too much. There is no way you are going to be able to keep from staring at him if you drank more, but you didn’t seem to notice that your third drink was now gone. Staring at the glass in mild confusion as to how exactly you downed another whiskey, you felt someone sit next to you on the couch.

“Having fun, kitten?” the reason you were even in this situation asked.

Lowering your glass and narrowing your eyes, you said, “You could have warned me.”

Chuckling darkly, Jiyong leaned back and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer as he grabbed your glass and eyed it carefully. “That’s your second or third…” he thought out loud.

“Third,” you said irritably as you tried and failed to grab the glass.

He held the glass out of your reach as he grinned, “What’s wrong, Y/N?”

Jiyong knew what was wrong, because he had too much information. Not only was he friends with the object of your affections, but he knew about your feelings and put you in this situation. You knew you should have been suspicious as to why he needed you to be at this particular dinner party, or why he had insisted you dress up, but here you were. The literal fly in the alarmingly attractive spider’s web.

Before you could stop him, your supposed best friend raised his voice, “Hey! T.O.P! T.O.P! T.O.P!”

Your heart stopped as he turned and his eyes landed on you. You could feel his gaze burning into you as you watched his eyes take in every inch of your abnormally, well-dressed body, lingering on your legs as he walked toward the couch. Every internal alarm was going off, as if you were on the verge of something more powerful than you were equipped to handle.

Tearing his eyes away from you, Seung Hyun checked the coffee table quickly before sitting on it, his knee brushing yours and sending a jolt coursing through your body that was anything but platonic. He smiled slowly as you tried not to stare, and you realized his lips were moving.

“I’m sorry, what?” you asked, your embarrassment burning your cheeks.

He ducked his head for a moment as he repeated himself, “You look lovely tonight, Y/N.”

You didn’t think it was possible, but you blushed even harder. Unsure how to respond you were startled when you felt Jiyong’s fingers under your chin, closing your mouth as he said, “I told her to dress nice, otherwise she would wear a superhero tshirt and jeans.”

Before you could really process what you were doing, you punched Jiyong in the shoulder and scolded him, “I dress up without being told.” Slumping back into the couch, despite your dress’ length, you muttered as Jiyong pulled you even closer, “And I do look good.”

You decided to get another drink. Attempting getting off the couch and out of Jiyong’s grip, you miscalculated how much room you had and ended up falling across Seung Hyun’s lap. With your ass in the air and your hands scrambling to right yourself, you felt large, warm hands on your shoulder and waist.

Stilling immediately as he helped you onto your feet, you stared at the floor as you apologized and thanked him. As you walked toward the kitchen to refill your drink, you could hear his deep voice as he spoke to Jiyong, “I am not blushing, shut up.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up where the last left off...
> 
> He didn’t want to be obvious as he followed you into the kitchen, even though Jiyong was covering for him. He wouldn’t be missed and neither would you. When he entered, you were facing away from him, taking a long drink from your glass, the bottle of whiskey open and on the counter next to you.

He didn’t want to be obvious as he followed you into the kitchen, even though Jiyong was covering for him. He wouldn’t be missed and neither would you. When he entered, you were facing away from him, taking a long drink from your glass, the bottle of whiskey open and on the counter next to you.

His intentions had been innocent, he only wanted to talk, get to know you, but the way the dress you were wearing looked, it was too much. He’d been holding back for too long. Every party, every dinner, it was always the same. You might speak to him for a few minutes, exchange pleasantries, then you’d make an excuse to leave early.

Seung Hyun had had enough. He was behind you before you even heard him, placing his hands on the counter, effectively boxing you in. He could feel your body, just barely touching his, and he noticed your breathing become shallow as you stiffened.

You tried to turn around, but before you could he whispered, “Tell me you don’t want me and I will walk away.”

A few moments passed and you hadn’t made a sound, he was about to leave, assuming he had scared you and that you couldn’t even speak. Barely audible, and if he hadn’t been so close he wouldn’t have even known you made a sound, you breathed out, “Stay.”

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he rested his forehead on your shoulder as he pulled your body against his. When you arched your back, pushing your ass against his hardening cock, he grunted and ground his hips against you. You moaned as he continued to rut against your ass, his lips on your neck, gently kissing and sucking at your neck as your head tilted away to give him more room.

Your soft moans filled his head, making him dizzy. The idea that someone might walk in despite Jiyong keeping watch didn’t even register as he spun you around and gripped the back of your neck. He looked deep into your eyes, searching for what he knew he already had and when he saw that you were doing the same, his heart seemed to skip a beat.

“Seung Hyun, I-” you started, but he cut you off.

His lips against yours, gentle and sweet, inviting you to take the lead. He didn’t want to take anything from you, he wanted you to give him what he needed and wouldn’t settle for anything less. As you kissed him back, your hand on his cheek for a moment before you slid it to the back of his head and held his hair, pulling him closer...

* * *

“Hyung?” Jiyong asked as Seung Hyun seemed to come back to himself.

Shaking his head, he looked up and asked, “What?”

A knowing smile spread across Jiyong’s face as he reiterated, “What were you thinking about?”

He couldn’t help but avert his eyes as he lied, “Nothing.” Before he had time to ignore the evidence of his little fantasy, he turned his head to see you walking back out of the kitchen with a fresh drink.

Yes, he was sick of pretending that he didn’t want more, but Seung Hyun couldn’t do it. Well, he couldn't do it how he wanted. Being that bold, that direct, it just wasn’t something he could do anymore. He’d been hurt so many times and the thought that you might eventually hurt him, leave him, or God forbid, use him like so many others was more than he could bare. Keeping his feelings to himself was safer, and that’s what he needed most. Staying safe was better than risking it all and losing again.

As you resumed your seat on the couch next to Jiyong, you tried to act like you usually did: unaffected by _his_ presence. Although you’d love to stay, to talk to Seung Hyun and get to know him, you knew he would be bored. You weren’t an idol, you weren’t even famous, just some regular person that Jiyong kept around for some still unknown reason. Nudging Jiyong, you asked, “How much longer do I have to stay?”

“Don’t start that,” he said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders again, “Maybe you should just stay the night like you used to.”

“Not happening, not after last time,” you giggled, relaxing a little for the first time that evening.

Jiyong turned to face you, his arm braced on the back of the couch as he pleaded, “C’mon, we can watch one of those movies you like once everyone else leaves, get completely plastered, like the good old days.” Looking at Seung Hyun and hoping the he might be able to assist in convincing you, but he saw something else there.

Observant and quick thinking, Jiyong knew that if he was going to get his way he would have to fight dirty. Slapping Seung Hyun’s knee, Jiyong said enthusiastically, “Hyung, you should stay too.”

Seung Hyun’s eyes went wide with shock as he tried to think of how to react, when you chimed in, your voice sounding defeated, “Not tonight, I have to work in the morning and I really do have to get going.”

For the last few years, Jiyong had felt you pulling away, trying to put distance between you and him. You always made a point of keeping the line that separated him from regular people well defined, but never intentionally or with malice. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t get you to see that regardless of your status in society, you mattered to him, but your self deprecation knew no bounds.

Regardless of his feelings, he knew that maintaining your normal life was important and he didn’t have it in him to fight you. Heavy with defeat, he said, “Text me when you get home, and we need to hang out soon.”

Seung Hyun watched as you got to your feet without complication this time and walk away. He was now convinced that no matter what he did you would always be walking away from him. As his eyes met Jiyong’s, he asked, “Why do you invite her when she hates these things?”

Collapsing back into the couch, Jiyong shrugged. Back in college, you were the only person who treated him how he acted, like a dick. He was cocky and arrogant, like any talented idol would be when thrust into an unfamiliar environment and surrounded by sycophants. It was like a switch had been flicked and he changed, well, he changed how he treated you. Jiyong had worked hard to build a friendship with you and it meant more to him than he had realized. Now he knew how important you were, but he felt like he was losing you.

“You should talk to her,” Seung Hyun suggested, “But actually listen to her.”

Leaning forward, Jiyong said, “I do listen to her, but she’s being ridiculous.”

Arching his eyebrow, Seung Hyun waited patiently for Jiyong to explain. He wasn’t about to ask. He needed to maintain his indifference. Jiyong could think that Seung Hyun had a crush or was attracted to you, but he would never know the truth. Being set up was not what he wanted, even if it was with you.

“She fits,” Jiyong started to explain before pausing to think, “She isn’t like us, but she fits. I’m not explaining this right.”

“I get it,” Seung Hyun said. Now that she left, he felt the sudden urge to leave early as well. He understood exactly what his friend said, you weren’t like them. You weren’t fauned over, you worked hard but you didn’t get praised to the point of ridiculousness, and you weren’t a pampered brat. You were normal. Realizing what he had to do, Seung Hyun leaned forward and said, “Quit trying to force it. You can’t hold onto something that isn’t meant to be.”

The two men shared a long silence before they were interrupted by another friend, distracting them from the problem at hand. Neither forgot, but they didn’t talk about it for the rest of the night as the party continued. Seung Hyun was one of the last to leave, waiting for Jiyong to check his phone surreptitiously. About thirty minutes after you left, he saw Jiyong pull his cell out and smile before texting something.  

He had to assume that it was a message from you. Walking out onto the balcony, Seung Hyun was pleased to see that he was alone as he lit a cigarette. Taking a long drag he realized that he couldn’t keep this up. Pining for you was unhealthy considering he had no intention of ever acting on his feelings. As he smoked, he decided that he had to let go of not only you but of being with someone all together. It never worked out and he refused to get hurt again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four days passed before Jiyong caved. Showing up outside your apartment with dinner from some restaurant you’d never heard of and insisting that you let him in. There was a reason you were friends, and a large part of it was his persistence. Not one to pester, but also refusing to back down, he was careful about how he approached things. He wasn’t sneaky or trying to trap you, all he ever wanted was someone who could see him for who he was.

Four days passed before Jiyong caved. Showing up outside your apartment with dinner from some restaurant you’d never heard of and insisting that you let him in. There was a reason you were friends, and a large part of it was his persistence. Not one to pester, but also refusing to back down, he was careful about how he approached things. He wasn’t sneaky or trying to trap you, all he ever wanted was someone who could see him for who he was.

Glaring at him, your leggings and t-shirt making you self conscious in his presence, you knew you were going to let him in and things would go back to normal. When it was just the two of you, it was easy. It wasn’t until there were his other friends around that your insecurities would get the better of you.

As you realized what an ass you had been, you opened the door wide and held out an arm, “Let me guess, you were in the area?”

Jiyong never had any reason but you to come to this part of town, and you both knew it. He laughed a bit uneasily as he walked past you toward your small kitchen and set the bag of food on the counter. Taking plates and silverware out as he heard you lock the door, he said, “Nope, I missed you.”

Stopping dead, you stared at him as he plated the food. He’d never been that blunt before, but you couldn’t blame him. He’d texted you more times than you’d care to count, and your rare monosyllabic responses had to bother him. But Jiyong being true to form, he didn’t berate you or pester, he showed up at your door with food.

The last four days you had thought. During and after work when you were alone in your apartment, you racked your mind on why you still bothered with him. You couldn’t talk to anyone about this because you knew you’d get the same response, or at least that look that screamed ‘lucky bitch’ and ‘what are you complaining about’. The situation with Jiyong was confusing at best and you knew that you would never be able to explain it to anyone without judgement. So you made a decision: you were done with all of them.

Your plan worked for a few days, but here he was, not accepting your relatively gentle rebuffing. “Ji,” you started, but didn’t know what else to say.

He turned around, plates in hand, and gave you a once-over, appraising you. He knew you were mad, at the very least fed up, and he had planned on making it up to you. The first part of his plan was to not force you to do anything. No more guilt trips to parties, no more insisting you dress a certain way, and most importantly, he never wanted to assume he knew what was best for you. The key to his plan, was listening to you.

His eyes met yours and he smiled, “Hungry?”

Your eyes dropped to the plate and you nodded. He followed you to the living room, both of you taking a seat on the couch that you had been occupying alone a few minutes before and started eating in silence. It didn’t take long before you had to say something, “Why are you doing this?”

Setting his plate on the table and taking his time before he answered, Jiyong said carefully, “Because I want to.”

“Why?” you snapped. Unsure where your anger was coming from, but sticking to it as you watched him stare at his plate.

He turned to face you, and waited. He took what Seung Hyun had said to heart, Jiyong was going to listen to you.

You were confused when he didn’t answer, but you knew that your question was ridiculous. Why did anyone do anything? But you couldn’t keep this up. It was wearing you down, had been since you met him, and you needed to live your life without the insanity that he would bring, even though you would miss him. You looked at him, really looked at him for what seemed like the first time in too long. He was your best friend and you couldn’t deny it.

“Sorry, I’m just… “ you started, when it dawned on you that you were now apologizing when you should be asking him to leave. If you had stuck to what you had decided, what you thought would be best for you, then he wouldn’t even be in your apartment. You couldn’t refuse him, because you didn’t want to and besides all of that, how did he even know you were mad?

The waiting was painful, but Jiyong held on and it paid off as you continued, “Ji, I’m just having a bad week.” It was a lie, in a way, more of an omission of key details. Your work week had been normal, no added stress, but the inner turmoil of dumping your best friend had taken its toll. Taking a deep breath, you asked, “What do you want to watch?”

* * *

Nothing was how it should be. Seung Hyun stared at his phone, but he couldn’t do what he knew he needed to do. He thought that it shouldn’t be this hard, all he had to do was call his friend and make plans. Easy. But he had spent the better part of his afternoon eyeing his phone as he tried to distract himself.

It wasn’t the prospect of what Jiyong would say, he knew that he’d say yes. What was keeping him from calling was your reaction. Jiyong would tell you, he’d have to, and even with something as simply and supposedly easy as having a few drinks would in all likelihood repel you. He knew you’d say no, and continuing to think about this was something he didn’t want to do. But he couldn’t help himself.

The phone rang. The dial tone made his heart race, and when Jiyong answered, Seung Hyun was surprised. He thought when the line went silent that it had gone to voicemail, but after a few seconds, he heard, “What’s up?”

Shocked, Seung Hyun said, “Just wondering what you’re up to.”

The line was silent again. Seung Hyun got up and began to pace before Jiyong spoke, “Uh, I’m at Y/N’s.”

His heart seemed to swell in his chest, which was what he wanted to avoid, that insistent hope. Closing his eyes, Seung Hyun did what he set out to do, “Oh, cool, do you guys have plans?”

“Um…” Jiyong’s voice trailed off and Seung Hyun could hear a door closing then he was talking again, quietly though, “I don’t know. She isn’t in a good mood and I’m trying.. I don’t know. I have no idea what to do.”

Seung Hyun hadn’t expected this, it had been difficult enough to ask, but now his mind was blanking, “What’s going on?”

Sighing twice before actually speaking, Seung Hyun could hear the telltale sound of a lighter and the first drag off a cigarette before Jiyong said, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry yourself.”

Neither spoke for a few moments, Jiyong breaking the silence by asking absently, “What did you want?”

Falling into his favorite chair, Seung Hyun tried to muster the courage to ask again, but he didn’t have it in him. His mind was focused on what might have happened and if he’d even get to see you again. What if Jiyong and you weren’t friends anymore, then what? He felt like this might be his last chance, even full to the brim with defeat, Seung Hyun said, “Just wondering if you guys had plans, I’m bored.”

Seung Hyun could hear the door opening again and you asking Jiyong something. He listened hard but could only make out your voice, not the actual words, then Jiyong was speaking again, “You know what, how about you come over. We’re gonna watch Army of Darkness. Y/N says its amazing, but I have my doubts.”

“When?” Seung Hyun asked, stunned that he not only followed through with his idea but that it appeared to have worked.

Earlier that night, Seung Hyun had come to the decision that being alone wasn’t for him. He didn’t want to be surrounded by people, but he wanted someone, and he knew who he wanted. Since the last time he saw you, and his decision to just leave all idea of romance behind, he’d been sticking to his plan.

He spent four days working and going home alone. He talked to his friends, and tried to enjoy the new simplicity of his life, but it didn’t suit him. His mind wandered to the endless fantasies he’d had. Daydreaming about telling you how he felt, of how you’d react, and blindly wondering what you were really like. He couldn’t do anything else once he was done working for the day, and nothing distracted him from these thoughts. Even if he knew that it would in all likelihood end horribly, he broke down and started thinking of how he could get what he wanted, but he would be careful this time. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smiling to himself, Jiyong hung up the call and texted Seung Hyun your address. This might be what you needed. A reminder that he was normal and even his friends liked you and wanted to be around you. The message sent and knowing that he had about 30 minutes to persuade you, Jiyong shoved his phone into his pocket, put out his cigarette and went back inside.

Smiling to himself, Jiyong hung up the call and texted Seung Hyun your address. This might be what you needed. A reminder that he was normal and even his friends liked you and wanted to be around you. The message sent and knowing that he had about 30 minutes to persuade you, Jiyong shoved his phone into his pocket, put out his cigarette and went back inside.

“Y/N!” he shouted as he closed and locked the door.

Silence. Jiyong walked through your small, neat apartment and noticed the bathroom door was closed. Walking back to the living room and picking up the DVD case for Army of Darkness he looked at it while he waited for you.

Walking out of the bathroom, you still didn’t know what to do about Jiyong, and having him around was confusing. You weren’t envious of his fame or talent, you were well aware of who he was when you first met, but you were friends.

He treated you like an equal, even though you weren’t. It was infuriating when he’d introduce you to his famous friends like they were regular people, he’d drag your ass to parties you had no business attending… and there it was. You didn’t belong but he didn’t care. Now, you felt like a dick. Unbelieving that you hadn’t realized this sooner, you decided to drop all of it. Kwon Jiyong wanted to be your friend, fuck it, you were friends.

Finding him standing and staring at a movie case, lost in thought, was almost amusing. With newfound purpose, you snuck up and tapped him on the shoulder. Startled, he threw the DVD case, before he chided, “Y/N, you aren’t funny.”

Grinning, for what felt like the first time in ages, you nudged his shoulder, “I think I’m funny. So what’s the plan tonight?”

“Uh…” Jiyong starts, unsure how she will react, “I was thinking we could do the movie thing…” He felt ridiculous being this nervous to say what he needed to say. Seung Hyun would be at the door soon and if she didn’t know about it in advance, well, Jiyong didn’t want to think about that. Clearing his throat and turning to face her, he said, “I may have invited someone over.”

Confused, you asked, “Who did you invite over?”

“Seung Hyun,” Jiyong said, almost as if it were a question.

Tilting your head, you stared at him and tried to not be mad, “Why?”

“He called, it was him on the phone, and I asked him over,” Jiyong lied, unsure why except that if you thought he had asked it wouldn’t be as bad. Inadequacy flooded through your body, and as if he could tell, Jiyong continued, “It’ll be fun. I promise.”

“Should I go change?” you asked, plucking at the hem of your t-shirt.

Shaking his head adamantly, “No. I need to go change. Is my stuff still here?”

Ten minutes later, Jiyong was wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants that he had been keeping at your place since that first sleepover years ago. The tension that had built up rapidly inside you seemed to dissipate when he came out of the bedroom wearing his impromptu pajamas. With no make up, his hair unstyled, and the stretched-out collar of the shirt, Jiyong looked normal. He always looked normal, but when he flopped onto the couch and gave you that “what” look, it was so painfully mundane.

This is what you liked, when he dropped all pretense and was just himself. Your mind quickly drifted to how he would change when Seung Hyun showed up, but you didn’t have long to linger. Jiyong practically leapt off the couch and ran to the door when he knocked. Sighing before you got up, you needed to remember to relax. Seung Hyun, like Jiyong, was just a person with a ridiculous job. And he was hot. Wincing at your thoughts, you got up.

Rounding the corner, you were met with Jiyong running a hand through his hair before he turned and looked at you. For a split second he looked worried, but it was gone just as quickly. Glancing as casually as you could muster, you saw him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking up the steps was a test of character. Seung Hyun had been nervous before, and with good reason, but this was different. This wasn’t a performance or about him proving anything. He had to be himself, and he was determined to show that he was more than what she must think of him. The idea that she wouldn’t like him or think he was too weird running rampant in his mind. After all the stories that Jiyong had told him about her, Seung Hyun wanted to know her, he couldn’t help but be pessimistic.

Walking up the steps was a test of character. Seung Hyun had been nervous before, and with good reason, but this was different. This wasn’t a performance or about him proving anything. He had to be himself, and he was determined to show that he was more than what she must think of him. The idea that she wouldn’t like him or think he was too weird running rampant in his mind. After all the stories that Jiyong had told him about her, Seung Hyun wanted to know her, he couldn’t help but be pessimistic.

He stood outside her door for a moment before knocking, hearing someone running toward the door after only the second thud. Jiyong’s smiling face went flat a moment after he opened the door, and Seung Hyun realized he’d already made a mistake. Looking down at his not-so-casual outfit, he grimaced and lifted his head as Jiyong opened the door to let him in.

Unsure why he thought wearing something nice would be a good idea, it was even more obvious how overdressed he was when he saw _her_. Any ideas he may have had about being careful around her went out the window. She was stunning. That wasn’t his sole motivation, she was always beautiful, it was how Jiyong talked about her. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Before he could stare at her for too long, Jiyong clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hyung, you need to change.”

Seung Hyun tried to refuse, but Jiyong was pushing him past Y/N and into her bedroom. Closing the door and going to her closet, Jiyong said to himself, “There has to be something here… oh yeah, this.”

Turning to face Seung Hyun, Jiyong smiled as he held up a long sleeved shirt and sweatpants, nodding excitedly. Inwardly cringing at the idea of wearing sweatpants with boxers and the potential for more than one embarrassing moment, Seung Hyun wished he had worn boxer briefs.

When his friend continued to eye the clothing suspiciously, Jiyong tossed them at him, and said sternly, “Change,” before walking past him out of the room.

The door closed, leaving Seung Hyun alone in her room and his eyes wandered, lingering on her bed. He shook his head and quickly changed out of his sweater and jeans, tossing them on the floor by Jiyong’s clothes then putting on the shirt and sweatpants. Taking another moment to look around her room, he smiled at the poster on her wall.

It was a signed BigBang poster, not framed just pinned to the wall above her dresser. His curiosity got the better of him, and he noticed the pictures on her dresser. Without thinking about it, he walked closer and one grabbed his attention. Picking it up, he studied Y/N and Jiyong’s beaming faces. A pang of envy ran through him as he wished he could have whatever they did. He had friends, but Jiyong and Y/N seemed to have something more. It wasn’t like other friendships, even if it wasn’t going well right then.

Setting the picture back on her dresser, Seung Hyun left her room and tried to not think about that picture, but their happy faces were burned into his mind. He walked back to her living room, not knowing what to expect from the evening. He could hear their voices, clearly arguing about something and he followed the sound, peeking around the corner to spy into the kitchen.

Jiyong was holding a bottle of wine high above his head, his other hand pushing at Y/N as she giggled and tried to grab the bottle, “Jiyongie! Stop! You’re gonna drop it!”

“You don’t get to open it,” Jiyong said, sounding very serious, “I never get to open Hyung’s wine, and tonight is the night!”

Cocking an eyebrow, Seung Hyun took a step into the kitchen and leaned against the fridge as he watched them bicker. Jiyong saw him first, “Hyung! Tell her I get to do it!”

She turned around, and Seung Hyun could have sworn she was even prettier when she was blushing but dismissed the thought, as she said, “I’m the youngest. It’s my job.”

“No. Not today,” Jiyong giggled as turned away from her and grabbed a corkscrew.

Defeated, Y/N grabbed three glasses, one for wine and two for whiskey, and set them on the counter next to Jiyong. Leaning against the counter as she waited for him to pour drinks, she looked up and their eyes met. She froze for a moment before asking, “Have you eaten, Hyung?”

Trying to remember the last time he ate as he reeled from hearing her call him ‘Hyung’, and realizing how long it had been, Seung Hyun shook his head. As if that were her cue, Y/N grabbed a plate and leaned across the counter to grab a bag of takeout. Seung Hyun blatantly stared at her, his mind transported to another place and time where it would be completely acceptable to stand behind her.

Thoughts of pulling her leggings down to see if she was ready for him as she gripped the counter and moaned filled his head. He couldn’t help it, or deny that he was attracted to her physically, but that wasn’t what drew him in.

“Hyung,” Jiyong said, slapping Seung Hyun on the shoulder as he handed him a glass of wine, “Let’s go sit down.” Again, pushing Seung Hyun away from her, Jiyong called out over his shoulder, “Bring the food and my drink, kitten?”

Thankful but irritated at Jiyong, Seung Hyun took a seat on the far right of the couch, and waited. He felt slightly uncomfortable in her apartment, like he wasn’t supposed to see any of this or that he wasn’t allowed to. However, because it felt taboo, he took in everything, trying to memorize every detail.

He felt the couch move and noticed Jiyong sitting at the opposite end, as Y/N came into the room. Unable to stop himself, he smiled at her as she handed him a plate of food, “Thanks.”

“Did you figure out the TV?” she asked Jiyong as she sat between them, folding her legs under her.

Nodding, Jiyong pointed the remote at the TV and “Army Of Darkness” started. Unsure what he was watching, Seung Hyun focused on his food as the movie played. It didn’t take long and he finished his food and needed another glass of wine. Seeing the other empty glasses, he decided to be helpful. Grabbing the three glasses and his plate, Seung Hyun stood, but before he could take a step Y/N was up and grabbing the glasses from him.

“I got it,” she said as she quickly walked to the kitchen.

A bit dumbfounded, Seung Hyun stood where he was for a moment before realizing that he still holding his empty plate. Stepping over Jiyong’s outstretched legs, it dawned on him how this was practically his favorite fantasy come to life. Something about being alone with her in a kitchen did things to him, and he hoped he could keep that to himself.

When he walked into the kitchen and put his plate next to her sink, Y/N shrieked and turned slightly to face him, “You need a bell or something.”

Grinning at her, his eyes glanced down to his wine glass that she was refilling and noticed that it was overflowing, “Y/N, you’re spilling.”

“Shit,” she hissed, and in her haste to not spill any more wine, she knocked over the glass.

It shattered, and Jiyong shouted from the living room, “What are you two doing?”

“Breaking things. It’s fun,” she shouted back as she started cleaning up the mess.

Seung Hyun watched for a moment before rushing to grab some paper towels, “I’m so sorry, I…” he trailed off as he dropped to his knees to clean up the wine that was still dripping from the counter onto the floor. Trying to be as helpful as possible, but unsure, he stood next to her once the floor was clean holding out the wad of wet paper towels, “Where should I put this?”

Looking up at him, his eyes on her lips as they slowly curved up into a smile, then he realized she was saying something, “What?”

Laughing as she grabbed the paper towels and walked past him, brushing his arm and he swore he felt electricity course through him at the contact, as she said, “In the garbage, over here.”

He spent the next three hours drinking and trying to not let his mind wander. It was becoming a noticeable problem, well noticeable to Jiyong. The movie had ended a while ago, no one seemed to be bothered as they talked and drank, ignoring the movie completely. Two bottles of wine and most of a bottle of whiskey had them all relaxed and enjoying the evening.

Seung Hyun was alarmed to find that Y/N was funny, something Jiyong had never really explained. It wasn’t that she told jokes or had great timing, but she was witty and quick. Anything Jiyong said to her, no matter the context, she could turn back on him, and it amazed Seung Hyun how easily she did this.

Swallowing, Jiyong shook his head and said, “You can’t just say that.”

“I can and I did,” Y/N said as she leaned forward to grab her drink and turned to Seung Hyun, “You know what I mean, right?”

_Shit_ , he thought as he realized he hadn’t been following the conversation, and having her undivided attention was heady. He may have been physically attracted to her, but at this point he didn’t know if he was good enough for her. The thought that her and Jiyong were or had been more than friends at one point kept prodding at him and the more time he spent around them the worse it got.

“Definitely,” he replied, unsure what he was agreeing to.

She turned back to Jiyong and said smugly, “I told you!”

Back to his thoughts, Seung Hyun sat back and wondered if he had interrupted their evening together. This was dismissed when he noticed the borrowed sweatpants he was wearing, but he couldn’t get the idea out of his head that Jiyong had something that he longed for. Unsure how much time had passed or what else he may have missed, Seung Hyun was brought out of his thoughts when Jiyong stretched.

Grunting loudly before he stood, Jiyong patted Y/N on the head as he said, “Kitten, it’s my bedtime.”

“Already?” she asked, obviously disappointed.

Running a hand through his hair, Jiyong looked at Seung Hyun, “Play nice, kids.” Then he was walking back toward her bedroom.

That was the final straw, they had to be together or at least fucking. Seung Hyun felt his heart sink at the realization; he never stood a chance. He wasn’t like Jiyong, he didn’t open up easily and he was too odd. As the pieces to the puzzle of his loneliness fell into place, he was taken out of his head when he felt her get up.

She walked uneasily into the kitchen, stopping and looking at him for a moment before holding up her empty glass and asking, “Want another one?”

Glancing between her and his own empty glass, Seung Hyun nodded.

“C’mon then,” she said as she turned around and continued into the kitchen.

His heart ached for her, as his mind wandered again to what could happen in a kitchen if they were alone. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind, he got up and followed her. Like his fantasy, she was facing away from him and drinking from her glass, the bottle of whiskey open on the counter next to her. Instead of walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her to keep her close, he stayed in the entryway.

She refilled her glass and smiled warmly at him when she turned around, “Are you tired? You don’t have to stay up because I am, I know how busy you guys are.”

“No, I’m good,” he said as he tried to think of something to talk about.

Walking toward him and plucking the glass out of his hand before going back to the counter and it was too much for him, “I’ll be right back.’

He didn’t even wait for her to respond as he bolted to the bathroom. Planting his hands firmly on the counter as he stared at the sink, his eyes lifting to his reflection and he almost lost it. The genuine, gripping fear that he would never find someone was nearly overwhelming in that moment, and he could actually see the tears welling.

Grabbing some toilet paper to dry his eyes, he stood tall and looked at himself like he had done so many times. The same face, cheeks slightly flushed and eyes a bit watery still, but nonetheless his face. Running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath, he tried to remember that he was more than a pretty face.

“Fuck it,” he muttered as he left the bathroom and found her sitting on the couch again. He saw his new glass of wine on the table and took his seat as he said, “Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” she said, as she took a sip of her drink.

The silence between them seemed to drag. Without Jiyong there didn’t seem to be anything to talk about, and Seung Hyun’s mind played yet another scenario of how he could be someone she wanted. Someone like Jiyong, who seemed so easy to get along with and nearly irresistible.

For a brief moment he felt worse, then another idea popped up: what if she wanted him, as is? His mind, although foggy from the wine, raced from one thought to another. Her blushing only a few days ago, that dress, the leggings she was wearing and how they made her ass look incredible, her laugh, her lips…

He felt himself getting hard, but he couldn’t help it and at this point he didn’t want to. If this was all he could have of her, then he would take it. When his fantasy had progressed to the point that she was moaning his name in his ear as he slid his hand into her leggings, he heard her actually say his name, “Hm?”

Nudging his shoulder like she did with Jiyong, Y/N asked, “What are you thinking about?”

In his drunken state, he couldn’t stop the word from falling out of his mouth, “You.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nudging his shoulder like she did with Jiyong, Y/N asked, “What are you thinking about?”
> 
> In his drunken state, he couldn’t stop the word from falling out of his mouth, “You.”

_Nudging his shoulder like she did with Jiyong, Y/N asked, “What are you thinking about?”_

_In his drunken state, he couldn’t stop the word from falling out of his mouth, “You.”_

* * *

Taken aback for a moment, you quickly recovered. Crossing your eyes and pouting your lips, you asked, “What about me?”

As Seung Hyun stared, his mouth hanging open, you had a moment of inspiration and poked him in the side. When he gave a nervous giggle, his eyes went wide, and you said excitedly, “Oh my God, you’re ticklish.”

“No, I’m no-” you grabbed his side gently and he jerked away from you. If you hadn’t been drinking, you would have worried that you were overstepping, but when you heard his laugh you couldn’t stop. He tolerated this for less than thirty seconds before he attacked.

Both his hands shot out and were on you, and you jerked back onto the couch, cackling for a moment before you went silent as you became overwhelmed. He followed as you fell back, crouching over you as you writhed beneath him. It wasn’t until you felt him shift that you realized he was between your legs, and that something was now against your thigh.

Seung Hyun seemed to realize it at the same time as he froze above you. Staring up at him, you decided to make this possibly awkward situation less awkward and asked, “Is that a mic in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

When he didn’t respond, you realized too late what was resting against your leg, the point really driven home when _it_ twitched. You stared up at him, and forgot how to breathe. He was blushing, lips parted, and his attention was torn between your lips and eyes.

Trapped in this moment, under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have even ended up here, and you didn’t know what to do. Despite your crush on him, you barely knew him, but you didn’t care in that moment. All you wanted was for him to act, but he didn’t. Your gaze drifted to his lips and you ran your tongue along your bottom lip before looking back up at him. His eyes were brilliant and locked on yours. For no discernible reason, you nodded almost imperceptibly up at him.

Beside himself, as if he were having an out-of-body experience, Seung Hyun leaned close, and watched your eyes close. He felt your hand slide along his side, lifting his shirt slightly, as he tilted his head and gently pressed his lips against yours. Everything in him was demanding he take what he wanted, but he refused. Even with the better part of a bottle of wine in him, he still knew what he wanted.

His mind went blank as he felt your other hand against his cheek. Neither moved as you both enjoyed the simplicity of the moment, but it didn’t last. Seung Hyun felt your lips part slightly, and it ignited something inside him. Readjusting so he was properly seated between your legs, the heat from your sex noticeable through the clothing, and his body took over.

When you felt his hips start move slowly at first, your mouth fell open and you moaned against his lips. Despite his sweatpants and your leggings, not to mention the added barriers beneath, you could distinctly feel his cock dragging against your folds. He chuckled, and you could feel it rumble in his chest before he set a steady pace. Lifting your hips to meet his, needing more friction as he began to kiss along your jaw, you gripped the back of his neck, and whispered, “Seung Hyun…”

You felt his lips move against your neck, the breath fanning out across your skin as he moaned your name. His hand was on your hip now, sliding up and down your thigh as he began to pick up his pace. You were already on edge, and hearing him breathing heavily like this would have been enough to get you off, but you held back. Part of you wanted him to tear your clothes off and fuck you through the couch, but there was a small voice in the back of your head that stopped you. For now, you could ignore that nagging voice insisting that this was a bad idea, but it was still there.

Seung Hyun couldn’t stop. You felt so good beneath him. Your hands under his shirt, trying to touch every inch of his skin you could reach. He ignored the feeling at the base of his spine that was building as he dropped to one elbow. Rolling his hips faster and lifting his face as the sounds you made pushed him further.

Moving his free hand to your neck, he held your gaze for a moment before he was kissing you again. He didn’t have to wait for you to respond. Your lips moving against him, your tongue meeting his and that’s when he knew it was too late. He dropped his hand to your hip as he ground against you hard, breaking the kiss as he pressed his forehead against yours and his hips began to jerk.

You were in heaven, and decided to stay there, keeping your eyes closed as tried to memorize the feeling of him between your legs, when you felt him get off you. Your eyes snapped open and before you could say anything, Seung Hyun was not only sitting up but walking away. You sat up in time to see him heading into the bathroom, and felt confusion sink in.

_No, no, no, no, no_ , he thought as he pulled the sweatpants down. He had to get cleaned up before you figured out what had happened, if you didn’t already know. It wasn’t like he was done for the night, but when he was this invested it always got to him. Then he remembered, and he was overcome with guilt. Unable to even look at himself in the mirror as he cleaned his boxers and decided to just take them off, he tried to rationalize.

He never had any confirmation that you were even dating, let alone had some agreement with Jiyong, or a relationship. As he stepped back into the sweatpants and tried to think of what to do with his boxers, he heard a knock at the door. Pulling his pants up, and tossing his very used boxers into the small trash can for the time being, he cracked open the door and forgot how to speak. Your cheeks were still flushed and your lips seemed swollen.

“You okay?” you asked, trying to keep your voice down.

Seung Hyun nodded and opened the door, the only thought on his mind that he just took advantage of you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” you said as he walked past you and back into the livingroom. You had no idea what he was going to ask. If it was to keep quiet, that was obvious, but what if it was something personal. You mind reeled at the possibilities that he never meant to do that and now that he sobered up some, he realized his mistake. Taking your seat on the couch, you couldn’t bear to look up at him.

Keeping his eyes down, he asked the question and braced himself for her response, “Are you and Jiyong together?”

Your face fell, and you turned to glare at him, “Are you serious?”

He kept his eyes averted and nodded. You stared straight ahead for a moment before grabbing your glass and walking into the kitchen. _He’s an idiot_ , you thought as you set your glass on the counter.

“I’m gonna call a cab,” you heard from behind you, “I’ll just wait outside.”

Forgetting about your drink, you turned toward him but couldn’t look at him, your pride, if you had any left, kept you from complete humiliation. Taking a deep breath, you tried to say calmly, “Ji and I aren’t together.”

“Oh,” was all he could manage.

“Never have been and never will be,” you said a bit more forcefully. When the silence dragged on, you continued, “Regardless, I haven’t had a boyfriend or anything like it in almost 2 years.”

His phone in his hand, about to dial a taxi service, was forgotten. The realization that what the two of you had done wasn’t tainted was more intoxicating than the wine. Seung Hyun didn’t know how to react.

Your irritation grew and you finally looked up at him, “Well… say something.”

Shaken out of his completely guilt-free thoughts, he said, “I like you.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight’s the night, and you were trying not to be so nervous. Despite the unfavorable circumstances, things between you and Seung Hyun seemed to be going well, as well as they could go only two weeks in, and tonight was your first date. Since that night, the two of you had been texting and trying to get to know each other, but it had been a test of willpower that night.

Tonight’s the night, and you were trying not to be so nervous. Despite the unfavorable circumstances, things between you and Seung Hyun seemed to be going well, as well as they could go only two weeks in, and tonight was your first date. Since that night, the two of you had been texting and trying to get to know each other, but it had been a test of willpower that night.

* * *

Your irritation grew and you finally looked up at him, “Well… say something.”

Shaken out of his completely guilt-free thoughts, he said, “I like you.”

“Shut up,” you spat out, without thinking.

He continued to stare blankly at you, but realizing that he had gone too far to shut down now, quietly he said, “No, Y/N. I do.”

Floundering to find something to say and unable to look away from him as he took a step toward you. Seung Hyun looked up at you, you had the sudden realization that this was like something out of a dream. “That,” he said as he turned his head toward the living room for a moment before looking back at you, “wasn’t how I wanted this to happen… if it happened.”

“Oh,” you breathed.

He chuckled and a relieved smile spread across his face as he said, “You should say something.”

Your mind reeled, there was no way this was happening, but you knew you couldn’t just stare at him like this. Despite the unreality of what was going on, you managed to say, “I like you too,” but it sounded more like a question.

After a few minutes of awkward, jilted conversation, you and Seung Hyun ended up back on the couch. Having an actual conversation with him was so easy and relaxed now. You weren’t sure if it was because you had basically mauled each other less than an hour before or if knowing that he liked you made it easier to talk to him. You were stunned when he asked for your number, but felt your stomach flip excitedly when he explained himself.

Inching a bit closer, he averted his eyes as he said, “It’s been a while for me too, not two years, almost one, and I want to do this right.”

“Okay,” you said as you took his phone and started putting your number in.

“Probably should get some sleep,” he suggested as he took his phone back and his fingers brushed yours. Even though it was now common knowledge that there was something between you, the slight contact sent a jolt through him and he felt his cock twitch. Swallowing thickly, he said, “But…”

Still a bit confused and wishing you had the balls to kiss him again, you were shaken out of your mind by that one word. Doubt distorted your thoughts, and you asked, “But?”

“But, I don’t want to rush things,” he said quickly, “I tend to do that. So… I want to do this the right way. I want to get to know you before we….”

“Attack each other like animals on cocaine?” you provided, ever helpful.

He doubled over in laughter, tearing up slightly as he calmed down, “Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, that was fun, I just don’t want to screw this up.”

Getting up off the couch and looking down at him, you sighed and said, “Well, I’m gonna head to bed then.”

Seung Hyun looked worried as he asked, “Isn’t Ji in there?”

“Not the first time he’s used me as a body pillow,” you said grimly, “You know how clingy he gets after a few drinks. It’s gross.”

* * *

Smiling to yourself as you finished getting ready, that night replaying in your head yet again, when you heard a knock at the door. Not bothering with your shoes yet, you tried to stay calm as you walked through your apartment. You hadn’t seen Seung Hyun, well you hadn’t been near him since that night two weeks ago, you certainly had seen his face often enough with all the pictures he sent. Calmly, you opened the door and felt a dopey grin spread across your face.

Seung Hyun couldn’t help himself as his eyes raked over you. Neither of you spoke as you moved aside to let him into your apartment, tension thick in the air but not unpleasant. You locked the door and turned around, completely forgetting what you were supposed to do with him so close, and God did he smell good. You barely noticed that his hair was spiked, chunks of his hair sticking up in an almost comical way.

“Hi,” he said, as his eyes met yours. He wanted to cancel his plans, text the car waiting outside that he was going to stay rather than go out, but he couldn’t. When he had finally asked you out a few days ago over a late night call, you had sounded excited and he didn’t want to ruin it. He wanted to have fun with you.

“Hi,” you said, trying desperately to remember what you had to do, when it hit you, “I’m gonna finish getting ready. Um… make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back in a few.”

Running past him and back to your room, you heard him shout, “Take your time! I’m early!”

After that, the evening went well. Once you were done getting ready, you walked down to the car and were driven to the restaurant, giggling and joking through dinner and a few glasses of wine. Even when he was recognized by a few fans, it wasn’t any different than going out with Jiyong, aside from how he made you feel.

In your head, Jiyong was in one category and Seung Hyun was in another. Category wasn’t the right word, you were a visual person and they were more like boxes. You kept these boxes very far away from each other, because they were for different things. The Jiyong box was lovely, a vibrant green and filled not just with him but with all he meant to you and the memories that you had with him. This box was always there, it was comforting. Seung Hyun’s box looked like an something out of Wonderland, what you imagined it was like in his head. His box was him; brilliant, whimsical, and intense. The most important thing about this one was how new it was, full of potential and only a handful of memories. Compartmentalization might not be healthy, but damnit, it worked.

After the restaurant, you were again in the backseat of the car with him. He was so playful, which you knew might happen, but it was so different from how he was around you before. This is the Seung Hyun that Jiyong had told you about, the one you had only ever had glimpses of but never really got to see. It was wonderful.

Pulling up outside the club, he had insisted on dinner and dancing like a real date. You were excited until he got out of the car. Within seconds, he was surrounded and you were roughly pushed aside. This wasn’t the first time you had dealt with this, but it scared the shit out of you. Fans were one thing, nine times out of ten they were sweet and considerate, but photographers and reporters were another bag of cats. You couldn’t even see him through the crowd and decided you’d just wait for him inside.

A few people had noticed that you got out of the car before him, you assumed, because you were followed in by a group and they started talking to you. Asking you so many questions, and in rapid fire that you didn’t know how to respond to, you started to panic. It had only been a few minutes ago when it was just you and Seung Hyun, now he was nowhere to be seen and you were for all intents and purposes trapped.

Weaving through the crowd to the bathroom, you locked yourself in a stall and tried to calm down. Two weeks you had been texting, lulling yourself into the complete lie that he might be a normal guy, but he wasn’t. Yes, Choi Seung Hyun was perfectly normal, delightfully so, but his life was insanity. This is what you had hated about your friendship with Jiyong, and it was so much worse now.

You had to leave. The photographers, the people, the questions, they were all too much for you to handle. Jiyong had never taken you out, and now you knew why; it was pure insanity. Pulling yourself together, you left the bathroom and snuck out of the club. Pulling your phone from your bag, you saw you already had two texts from Seung Hyun.

Ducking into an alley, resting your head against the cool bricks and tried to think. This is not something you are equipped to handle, and you can’t expect him to bend to your will or for your benefit, in fact, you flat you refused to have him change. Staring at your phone, you unlocked it and read his messages.

Unable to think what to say, you told the truth.

Putting your phone on airplane mode, you got back to walking, hoping you’d be able to find a cab before he could find you. Luck was in your favor, and you were able to get home without seeing him again.

* * *

As the bartender put the two drinks on the counter and grabbed the cash, Seung Hyun stared at his phone. He had been torn about going out or staying in, but he didn’t think it would turn into this. Had he really misjudged the situation this poorly, had he been wrong about you? He wasn’t able to think straight, and had to get out of the crowded bar.

Walking outside and taking a deep breath, he felt his chest compress and knew that he needed to get home. Part of him wanted to chase after you, tell you that he didn’t care about going out, that the two of you could go back to your place and watch crappy American horror movies, but he couldn’t do it; he wouldn’t do it.

His last relationship, if you could even call it that, had ended horribly and those memories came flooding back. As he walked toward his apartment, he felt himself falling apart inside as the heartbreak seemed to tear him apart all over again. That unavoidable pain wound itself around him and pulled him under. Covering his mouth as a sob racked his body, Seung Hyun ran into the building.

Collapsing onto his couch, his favorite couch, he let every fear and doubt wash over him. His phone vibrating in his pocket drew his attention, but he had no patience for it. Practically tearing it from his jacket, he chucked it at the wall. If it was you, he didn’t want to deal with that, and anyone else could fuck off. Seung Hyun wanted to be alone with his despair.

Getting up and heading to his kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine, he walked back into his living room. Turning on his stereo, he sat back on the couch and drank from the bottle until it was gone, anything to quiet the turmoil within.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groaning and rolling over, Seung Hyun fought the urge to open his eyes. There was no headache, no sensitivity to light, no stomach ache despite the amount he drank the night before. He didn’t have anywhere to be, he had made sure that he had the day after off in case things went well. Planning on wake up next to you and waking up alone with vague memories of his night alone invading his mind, Seung Hyun tried to go back to sleep.

Groaning and rolling over, Seung Hyun fought the urge to open his eyes. There was no headache, no sensitivity to light, no stomach ache despite the amount he drank the night before. He didn’t have anywhere to be, he had made sure that he had the day after off in case things went well. Planning on wake up next to you and waking up alone with vague memories of his night alone invading his mind, Seung Hyun tried to go back to sleep.

Sleep didn’t come. As he laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing that it was the day before. Filled with hope and promise, he had barely been able to contain his excitement or even wait until he it was time to pick you up. Now he was dreading the fallout of the night before. He tried to rationalize that there had been no fight, no insults or accusations, just that damn text- his phone.

Flipping the sheets back and running flat out to where he thought he had thrown his phone, dropping to the floor when he saw it. The screen had a crack, but that didn’t matter when the screen lit up. He had messages from a few people, but he ignored them when he saw that you weren’t among them.

He got off the floor and sat on his couch, unlocking his phone and checking the messages when one caught his eye. It had to have been from the night before when the two of you were entering the club. Zooming in on your face, well, part of your face, he couldn’t be sure but you looked angry, or scared, or constipated. It was hard to tell.

Setting his phone down he got up and went back to his room. He stripped his clothes off, dropping them on the floor as he walked into his bathroom and turned on the shower. Avoiding his reflection, knowing what he’d see, he tried to ignore the invasive thoughts, but they were unavoidable.

He glanced at his reflection, and couldn’t imagine anyone ever caring about him. People always wanted something and it was unbearable. He had wished that you were different, and for two weeks, it seemed like it had been granted. But that didn’t last. Nothing ever does.

Seung Hyun stepped into the shower, the warm water relaxing him but not enough. He washed his hair and body, thinking about the day before. Yesterday, when he could barely keep his hands from drifting with thoughts of you filling his head. Those thoughts were back, but they were tarnished with loss. His cock didn’t seem to care.

Sighing, he took himself in hand and began to mechanically stroke. The idea of you, which is all it would ever be, in the shower with him was as painful as it was pleasurable. Leaning against the tiles as he tried to imagine your hand around his length. Half his mind was questioning, _why am I like this, so damaged, so repellent, am I really that hard to love?_ He turned, resting his back on the tiles as he looked down as he stroked himself and felt disgusting.

These feelings and thoughts, he fought them back with the memory of you, beneath him, moaning his name. Transporting himself to somewhere else, somewhere where you were with him, wanting him, and he felt his cock swell before he came, moaning your name.

He held onto that moment as long as he could, trying to ward off the depression that was trying to take hold, when it dawned on him. Your face in the picture that he couldn’t make out, Jiyong worried about losing you, and that damn text.

Quickly rinsing his body, annoyed that he had cum on himself as he tried to get the semem off of his skin. He turned the shower off,, grabbed a towel and quickly dried himself as he went to pick his phone up. Back in his room, he picked up his clothes and dropped them and the towel in his laundry basket. Grabbing clean clothes and getting dressed in a rush as he planned.

Making a quick call to get a car to pick him up, he debated on texting you, but decided against it. He didn’t think you’d respond, or if you did you’d tell him to leave you alone. Waiting for the car was almost as bad as the doubt, but he refused to think that he was wrong.

After the longest forty minutes of his life thus far, he was walking up the steps to your apartment. Filled with uncertainty about what he was about to do, he thought of how excited you had been when he had finally asked you out. Thoughts of you were more than a shield against these destructive feelings, they were more of a broadsword, completely demolishing them as he approached your door. Without hesitation, he knocked and waited. Only a few seconds passed before he heard footsteps and felt his heart pounding in his chest as the door opened.

“I’m an idiot,” he blurted, as he stuck out what he had brought.

Alarmed barely explained what you were feeling as you stared up at him, then you saw the coffee. It was almost 9am, on Sunday, and you were irritated when you heard the knock at the door. Still only wearing an oversized t-shirt and without coffee, you stepped aside as he walked in.

He didn’t know how you hadn’t said anything, but wasn’t about to argue as he faced you, “I thought that going to the bar was a bad idea, and it was.” Leveling you with his unfathomably dark eyes, he said sincerely, “I’m sorry.”

Eyeing him warily, you asked, “Do you know what time it is?”

He panicked for a moment, unable to see his watch or check his phone as his hands were full, he said, “No,” as he offered one of the coffee cups.

Rolling your eyes and grabbing the coffee, you walked around him and went back to your spot on the couch. When he didn’t follow, you sighed and said, “Come in, Seung Hyun.”

You heard him kicking off his shoes as you took a sip of the coffee and felt it work its magic. Uncertain if you really wanted to have the conversation that was about to take place, something about it seemed familiar as he stood in front of you. Staring up at him, your mind not fully awake, you said, “If you are waiting for an invitation to sit, you are going to be standing there forever.”

His brow furrowed and he was torn. Without knowing if you were mad or simply irritated that he had woken you up or interrupted you, he took a chance and joined you on the couch. Setting the paper bag he had been holding on the coffee table and turning to face you, he waited.

After another long sip of your coffee, you gave him a sideways glance and asked, “What?”

“It won’t happen again,” he said, trying to remember the speech he had thought of in the car. It had been good but the words weren’t coming now.

Leaning back, feeling the shirt riding up your thighs and not giving a damn, you shook your head before asking, “What won’t happen-”

“The cameras, the reporters,” he interrupted, “All of it. I- We can avoid it. I promise.”

Wondering when he had figured this out, you took your time drinking, hoping that his words were possible. With him, with Jiyong, there was no avoiding the press. It was an ever present threat wherever they went. This wasn’t the first time you had someone barge in the next morning, apologizing for something that wasn’t their fault. That’s why this seemed so familiar. Jiyong’s go-to move: coffee or booze.

“You can’t promise that,” you finally said.

He had known what to say, but it was all gone. You were right. He couldn’t promise that what had happened, what he should have known would happen and how you would react to it would never happen again. Staying in wouldn’t work for the long term. It was impractical. The fragile thing that was his heart, unhealed and on the verge of shattering again, gave him one final push, “I can try.”

_Shit_ , you thought. Knowing that he hadn’t intended any of this, and his voice, how he was acting, it didn’t bother you but you could tell he was upset. His apology was sincere, and he meant what he was saying. The logic that he hadn’t done anything wrong or intentionally hurt you sank in, and despite yourself, you relented.

“I may have overreacted,” you said, shifting your body so you were facing him.

Elation wasn’t something he was used to, but he was full of it. An uncontrollable smile spread across his face, “No, you didn’t, what happened was… crazy. I know it is, I just forget and…” As he trailed off he leaned forward and opened the bag, reaching inside and handing you one of the pastries.

He took one for himself, and continued, “There is something that we do need to talk about.”

“What?” you asked, even though your mouth was full.

Swallowing his first bite, he asked, “Are you busy today?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swallowing his first bite, he asked, “Are you busy today?”
> 
> “Why?” you asked without thinking. It was obvious, but your mouth was always ahead of your brain.
> 
> About to take another bite, he stopped and looked at you, “Um… I’m not… busy… and I thought… I hoped…”

_Swallowing his first bite, he asked, “Are you busy today?”_

“Why?” you asked without thinking. It was obvious, but your mouth was always ahead of your brain.

About to take another bite, he stopped and looked at you, “Um… I’m not… busy… and I thought… I hoped…”

As his words trailed off you realized that what had been completely derailed last night was now back on track, and you were terrified. Not the usual terror, that he could hurt you, but the sort that keeps you from doing what you want. You weren’t scared of failing, you were scared of success and the inevitability of losing anything you might gain. It sucked.

Fighting against your natural instinct to rebuff him, you decided to try. It had been over two years since your last relationship, and you ignored the memories that tried to invade your thoughts as you said, “Yeah- I mean no. I’m not busy.”

The smile that spread across his face was worth any embarrassment you may have felt. You realized that he rarely smiled like this, and couldn’t help but stare at him.

Taking a bite that was far too big, he noticed you staring and asked with his mouth full, “What?”

Looking away and shaking your head as you fought back your own grin, you decided to drink your coffee rather than answer him. Sneaking glances at him, you were still in shock that he’d want anything to do with you. Then you remembered: you were wearing only a t-shirt. No panties, no bra, no pants, just a t-shirt. Panicking for a moment as you pulled your shirt down and tried to think of how to explain your situation or your sudden disappearance.

Short of telling him you were essentially naked, as tempting as it was, you weren’t trying to tease him. When he said that he wanted to take it slow, he didn’t want to rush, you were elated. It wasn’t like you were in a mad dash to get into his pants, even if that was what would hopefully happen, it wasn’t what you wanted. Attempting to stand while making sure you didn’t accidentally flash him your ass, you said, “I’m gonna… go… change.”

He looked up at you, his eyes dropping to your chest for a second, as every fiber of his being wished you wouldn’t. His plan to pace himself was still in place, but he was human and couldn’t deny that seeing you like this affected him. You didn’t wait for him to say anything and he watched you walk back to your room.

Closing the door behind you and leaning against it, your first instinct was to dress up, and you dismissed it immediately. Walking to your dresser and pulling out a pair of shorts, panties, and socks, you got dressed quickly. If you spent too much time in your head, you’d end up doing something stupid. Checking yourself in the mirror and pleased that you looked like yourself, you left your room with your head held high.

Seung Hyun couldn’t help but give you a once-over when you came back out and sat next to him, and was pleased that you hadn’t put a bra on. The two of you spent the next hour talking about nothing in particular as you sipped coffee.

Standing, Seung Hyun muttered something about needing the bathroom as he walked around you. You smiled to yourself as thoughts of how nice the day was going to be. Even if it couldn’t last, you could allow yourself one good day with him, then you heard it. A slight buzzing sound coming from the couch next to you.

You looked over and saw his phone, the screen on and it buzzed again. Not out of curiousity, but decency, you reached over to pick it up and put it on the coffee table, when something caught your eye. Just as the screen went black, you saw three hearts in the message preview and your blood ran cold.

With your history, you couldn’t help but assume the worst. It may have been years ago, but the pain and fear that it would happen again were everpresent. While he was still in the bathroom, you thought of a way to get him out of your apartment, the idea that he was in your bathroom right now making you sick to your stomach. Despite the thoughts in your head, you were calm when he came back out.

No longer on the couch, sitting next to him now unbearable, you had grabbed your own phone, sending a quick text before looking up at Seung Hyun, “Hey, I forgot I had plans today. Work stuff.”

His face fell, but he couldn’t tell you to blow off work. Seung Hyun nodded and asked, “When do you have to go?”

Walking past him and trying to keep from cringing, you said, “I’m late actually. I have to get ready and leave.”

You seemed so distant, but he tried to ignore that, assuming that your sudden mood change was because of work. Grabbing his phone and putting his shoes on, he waited for you to come out of your room to say goodbye.

“I’ll call you later,” he offered, taking the hint that you needed to get ready.

Keeping it together as best you could, you walked past him to the kitchen and said absently, “Later.”

He closed the door behind him and walked. Getting his phone out of his pocket, he unlocked it and saw that he had a few messages, but only one standing out. He hadn’t talked to her in almost 8 months, and here she was. Debating on whether he should read her messages or throw his phone away, Seung Hyun decided to be an adult. Opening her message, he barely registered what she had sent him and replied to her for the last time.

> I met someone, please don’t contact me again.

Putting his phone in his pocket, Seung Hyun kept walking. He wanted to be with you. It’s all he could think about, so that’s what he decided to do as he wandered back toward his apartment. Letting his daydreams take over, he could hardly believe that he could be this lucky to find someone like you.

* * *

When the door closed, you let out a deep breath, and tried to think. Everything in you was screaming that Seung Hyun was just like the rest, just like _him_. You couldn’t even think his name without feeling that familiar hole open back up inside you. Distracted for a moment by your phone’s text notification, you picked it up and saw it was Jiyong replying to your message. While pretending to text your boss, you texted Jiyong. Nothing dramatic, just asking if he wanted to hang out, and he did. Not bothering with preamble, you asked him to come over and to bring alcohol.

* * *

By the time night fell, you and Jiyong were opening a second bottle of whiskey. You had explained what you had seen, but Jiyong refused to think that his friend would do that, saying for the hundredth time, “I just don’t believe it.”

“You don’t need to,” you replied, “I am not going through that again.”

Jiyong couldn’t deny that when the shit had hit the fan with Fuckface™, that there was no going back. The fact that that assface had not only started talking about marriage and even having kids with you, all the while banging some other chick on the side was bad enough, but how you found out was cruelty he couldn’t even fathom. Even drunk, Jiyong could remember that phone call, the way your voice shook, and the ache in his chest that he couldn’t do a damn thing to help you.

He still worried about you, wanted you to be happy and to find someone who would treat you right. Seung Hyun wasn’t the kind of guy that would string girls along, not that Jiyong had ever seen. But he couldn’t try to change your mind. The idea that you would end up going through that again because he had encouraged you despite your better judgement, Jiyong was not about to make that mistake. He would listen to you and he would support your decision. It was better this way, at least it seemed like it as you clumsily walked back to the couch, crawling over him after setting your drinks on the table.

Giving up, you collapsed onto Jiyong’s lap, feebly wiggling as you spoke into the couch, “I’ve either had too much or not enough.”

Despite how muffled your voice was, he heard you and helped you roll onto your back as he brushed your hair out of your face, “Kitten needs to sleep.”

“No,” you insisted, “Kitten doesn’t want to feel and will drink until she’s dumb- numb!”

Giggling as you looked up at your best friend, you marveled at how attractive he was. You weren’t attracted to him, but God damn, he was beautiful, there was a reason he was an idol. Raising your hand and stroking his cheek, you asked, “Why me?”

“Why not you,” he said, not having any idea what you were talking about.

You had been saying whatever popped into your head all night, like you usually did when you were drinking. He made a game out of trying to figure out how you ended up saying whatever you said, but this time it wasn’t funny; it broke his heart. Jiyong’s face fell as he looked into your eyes and saw sadness, despite your smile. ‘Why me’ echoed in his alcohol soaked mind and he knew that it meant. Why was he friends with you. Why did he care about you. Why did he bother with you.

As the silence stretched on, the memories came back and you were locked in Jiyong’s gaze, unable to do anything but let the pain wash over you. The knowledge, not the idea or the notion, but the undeniable truth that you would never be enough was all-encompassing. Your eyes burned and you felt tears escaping and dripping from the corners of your eyes into your hair. It was too much. This pain was too much, and you needed it to stop.

Jiyong watched as your face contorted and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t think you’d get to this point tonight, he thought that these moments were behind you, but you were losing it. He started to panic, too drunk to know how to help you as you sat up. Adjusting your legs so you were as close to him as possible, Jiyong held you tight against his chest and felt your body tremor with each sob.

As they did, your tears came easily. The violently vivid memories of the worst day of your life were drowning out reality and you were sinking into them. In a moment of clarity, you wrapped your arms around his neck as you tried to reign in your tears. Once you had gotten your breathing under control, you leaned back, and tried to smile at Jiyong. He’d always been there, and he had been there when your world fell apart without hesitation. How could you ever repay that?

Completely lost as to what he was supposed to do, he released his grip around your waist and wiped your tears from your eyes with his thumbs as he asked, “Why you?”

He cupped your face in his hands, you were silent as he stared into your eyes while tears continued to fall, and he knew. Pulling your face to his, pressing his lips to yours and whispering between kisses, “I need you… You matter… so much… You are enough… You will always be enough… for me…”

Despite yourself, you kissed him back, weaving your hands into his hair. You sighed when you felt his hand drop to your hip and pull you closer. Rolling your hips, you heard him moan and it was like something snapped inside you. Gripping the back of his head as you kissed him back fiercely, feeling him hard against your sex, it was like you were alive again. This is what you needed.

Guiding you onto your back, Jiyong ground against you as his hand slid up your shirt to your chest. He teased your nipples and was completely lost in your sweet moans, his only purpose now to make you feel good for as long as he could. It’s all he wanted, and he could make you forget about the pain and betrayal, at least for the night. He continued to toy with your breasts with one hand, his other was grazing along your side and into your shorts.

It had been so long since someone touched you like this and you needed more. The vague thought of Seung Hyun grinding against you seemed to fade away as you felt Jiyong’s fingers sliding into your cunt. Without a second thought, you palmed him through his pants, his hips jerked toward you, and you felt his mouth go slack against yours. Not wasting any more time, you pushed your hand into his pants and gripped his cock, as you muttered against his lips, “Make it better… make it go away…”

He couldn’t deny you, never could, and this was no exception. Pushing himself up, he knelt between your legs as he took his shirt off and threw it before standing. When you continued to lay on the couch, staring up at him, he grinned and picked you up. Jiyong carried you to your bedroom, your legs around his waist as he kicked the door closed behind him.

Collapsing on the bed, you scrambled to sit up and began to undress. Before you could get your shirt off, Jiyong was there, pulling it off and pushing you onto your back. He gripped the waistband of your shorts and panties, taking them off at the same time. You reached out for him, and he was in your arms.

Jiyong looked down at you for a moment. Your tears and sadness were gone, replaced by need. His hand around his cock as he positioned himself at your entrance, he took a deep breath before carefully thrusting. He wasn’t sure when you had had sex last, but it didn’t matter when he bottomed out. Opening his eyes, despite not knowing when he had closed them, he stared at you. Your cheeks were flushed, lips parted, and you were beautiful.

His hands in your hair, cradling your head as he leaned down to kiss you and began to lift his hips, Jiyong swallowed each sound you made. He kissed along your jaw as your nails dug into his shoulder, and he began to pick up his pace.

As he thrust harder, you felt your mind go blank, your only purpose now to keep this for as long as possible. His arms snaked around your body and you tried as best you could to pull him closer still. You needed him.

Feeling his balls tighten as his orgasm drew closer, he needed you to cum, couldn’t stop until you did. Between pants, he managed to say, “Cum for me, Y/N.”

“Harder,” was all you could manage, and he was slamming his hips against yours as soon as the word left your lips.

Moaning and keening loud as you felt your body tighten at what was about to overcome you, feeling his lips on your neck as you shouted his name over and  over. He continued to push himself, trying not only to get you off but to make it the best you could ever have, his only thoughts of you. Without the usual warning, your body contracted and you couldn’t make a sound. Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you came harder than you could remember.

Still pressing his lips to your skin, Jiyong felt your body relax beneath his. He wanted to stay in that moment for as long as he could, but knew he had to get the condom off. Reluctantly leaving you, he quickly tied off the used latex and tossed it into the trash, then he was back at your side. Knowing that you were near sleep, he maneuvered you under the covers and took his spot behind you as you rolled onto your side. As your breathing became even, he felt his own body begin to drift off. With you in his arms, sleeping without sniffling or still weeping softly, he kissed your shoulder before he fell into a deep sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, no, no, fuck! No, no,” you shouted as you woke up with your best friend’s very naked body pressed close against yours. Scrambling out of bed, you stood and stared at him, his face the picture of disbelief.

“No, no, no, _fuck!_ No, no,” you shouted as you woke up with your best friend’s very naked body pressed close against yours. Scrambling out of bed, you stood and stared at him, his face the picture of disbelief.

He mouthed words for a moment before saying, “We didn’t…”

“We fucking did,” you groaned. His eyes dropped and you realized you were still naked, “Don’t fucking look at me!”

Running out of your room and into the bathroom, you didn’t know if you were pissed, about to cry, or both. Slamming the door and locking it, you walked to the vanity, gripping the edge hard. You looked up into the mirror and studied your face, so familiar yet wrong. Your reflection had always bothered you, it didn’t seem right, but now it was worse.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” Jiyong muttered as he sat up, running his hands through his hair as he tried to take in what had happened. He could remember everything and felt his treacherous cock twitch as his mind reeled through the events of the night before.

When he heard the door slam, he went into a blind panic, grabbing pants and a shirt, and getting dressed haphazardly while trying to walk to the bathroom. Jiyong knew you too well to let you work this out on your own. You’d beat the shit out of yourself emotionally, only prolonging your suffering rather than actually working through it.

_I know better_ , was all you could think of as you not only felt but saw your eyes begin to water. Time was supposed to heal things, or at least make them bearable, but you couldn’t cope, not with this. What that bastard had done to you was still raw and bleeding, a gaping wound where your heart should be. He had left so much damage in his wake and didn’t have to deal with any of it and you hated him for it. But the worst of it was missing him. It had been so long, you knew he was married and had a kid, but you missed him and it made you sick.

Banging on the door, Jiyong wasn’t about to be subtle or gentle, “Open up, Y/N.”

“Fuck off,” you tried to shout, but your voice cracked, giving away how upset you were.

Jiyong walked to the kitchen to grab one of the skewers you kept in your silverware drawer. He didn’t need to check to see if you had locked the door, he knew you did, and he knew how to unlock it. Back at the door, he slid the thin bamboo into the hole on knob, heard the click and was inside before you could block the door. This wasn’t his first time dealing with you in this sort of state. He always marveled at how your anger, sadness, and pain seemed to blend together, and now was no exception. Even like this, you still amazed him.

Slamming your fist against the counter as tears fell, you gritted your teeth before facing him. Before you could start shouting, Jiyong was wrapping your robe around you, and you collapsed in on yourself. All that anger and it dissolved into racking sobs as he held you. You muttered various things while you fell apart in his arms.

_Why am I like this… What is wrong with me… Make it stop…. Help me…._

He let you cry, rubbing your back as he tried to plan. One thing he knew you would try to talk him out of was telling Seung Hyun. As far as he knew, you two were still a thing, but nothing had been defined, and he couldn’t believe how thankful he was at that little fact. Jiyong was aware that you had no intention of trying to make that work any more, but he couldn’t keep this from his friend. When your tears seemed to be abating, he decided, regardless of what you’d say, that he would be the one to tell Seung Hyun. Jiyong had started this and he would do the dirty work, if only to keep you from more pain.

Pulling away and wiping your face, you asked weakly, “What the fuck is wrong with us?”

“Coffee,” he said instead of answering your question, guiding you out of the bathroom.

* * *

By midday, there was a plan and you hated it, but there didn’t seem to be anything you could do to dissuade Jiyong. After a long talk about what it all meant, both you and Jiyong were in agreement: ew. Not that you didn’t find each other attractive or that it had been a bad experience, but it was just wrong, and that made it fair game for jokes.

“We could always do it again,” he said, leaning forward and arching his eyebrow, “You know, if we’re bored.”

Slapping his shoulder, you giggled, “Shut up. How are you this gross?”

“Hey, I have feelings, and you fucked me back,” he said, feigning offense.

Leaning back on the couch, you shook your head, “You started it.” Being able to joke about this with Jiyong was helping. You could never figure out how he knew you so well, but after everything you weren’t about to try questioning it. He got up and stretched, and you knew he was going to do it, “Ji, are you seriously doing it now?”

“He has to know,” Jiyong said as he put his coat on, “He deserves to know and I want to know what’s going on.”

Rolling your eyes as you tried to keep from overthinking, you said, “Call me.”

As he walked out the door, he shouted his goodbye over his shoulder. He dreaded what was about to come, Seung Hyun was nearly as fragile as a toddler when it came to these things, but withholding the information was not an option. Getting into the backseat of the car he had called, he texted Seung Hyun to see if he was at home.

The worst of this was more than telling his friend that he fucked his would-be girlfriend, Jiyong needed to ask about the text message that she had seen. He knew he could talk you into at least seeing Seung Hyun if the texts were nothing, but the doubt that they weren’t kept him from even bringing it up to you. No matter what, Jiyong needed the whole picture to know what to do, and that started with telling one of his closest friends that he fucked his girl.

Leaning forward to tell the driver to take him to Seung Hyun’s, Jiyong went back to thinking about you and Seung Hyun. He genuinely couldn’t believe that Seung Hyun was even capable of cheating, after almost ten years of living and working together, you knew what a person was like. Then it dawned on him, the same could be said about him or Y/N, and it wasn’t true for either of you.

When the car pulled up outside Seung Hyun’s building, Jiyong felt his stomach knot. This was going to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do, but necessary. He may have fucked up, but he wasn’t a coward and had to face this head on.

* * *

He had planned to ignore his phone, assuming that she’d try to persuade him, and she did. Seung Hyun didn’t like to think it, but he loathed her. She had made his life a living hell, then walked away like he meant nothing. He had checked online and there were a few pictures of you getting out of the car before him, that had to be why she was trying to slither back into his life. But he would never cave. Even though it was new and still uncertain, Seung Hyun had already given up any idea of the harpy that he had once thought was his.

When he checked his phone to delete her messages, he got a new one and groaned. His irritation faded quickly as he saw it was from Jiyong. Replying that he was at home, he didn’t have to wait long for his friend, probably one of his best friends, to be walking into his apartment.

“Hey…” Seung Hyun said, but trailed off after seeing Jiyong. For someone who was normally rather happy-go-lucky, and why wouldn’t he be, there was something seriously off about him. Concern evident in his voice, Seung Hyun asked, “What’s wrong?”

Running his hand through his hair, Jiyong was nervous. He didn’t know how to begin, when it hit him; start at the beginning. Smiling weakly at Seung Hyun, he said, “We need to talk… about Y/N.”

Seung Hyun had expected this, the ‘if you hurt her i will hurt you’ talk. Following Jiyong into his living room, Seung Hyun didn’t bother with asking him if he wanted something to drink, knowing that if he wanted something he’d go get it himself. Smiling as he sat, he thought about how Y/N would eventually be like that. Completely welcome and comfortable in his home, and he in her’s.

Clearing his throat, and skipping any preamble, Jiyong asked, “What do you know about her last relationship?”

Trying to remember, he’d been rather drunk that first night but he could recall bits, “I know it didn’t end well, or at least I don’t think it did.” This first question confirming what he thought, Jiyong was giving him the riot act to keep him from hurting his friend. He understood and planned on listening closely to whatever he was told, he never wanted to hurt you.

Jiyong closed his eyes, the memory of a particular evening after you had found out what Fuckface™ had done gripping him and making it hard to speak, “That fuc- _he_ cheated on her.”

Seung Hyun’s face dropped, he hadn’t expected this and didn’t know how to react. Deciding that he was meant to listen, he waited and Jiyong continued, “Not random one night stands, he had another girlfriend. A full relationship, and…”

He trailed off as he remembered how you had told him. This was too much, no one should ever deal with this and he couldn’t tell Seung Hyun the worst of it, opting to skip the truly unpleasant part, “She hasn’t been the same since. He ruined her.”

Finally looking at Seung Hyun, he felt the full weight of what he had done the night before, “I have to ask you… did you get any texts yesterday? With hearts?”

As if he were plunged into cold water, Seung Hyun’s hatred for that sadistic witch seemed to redouble. Trying to reign in his anger, he nodded and explained, “It was the gold digger. She must have seen a picture or something and decided she wanted some attention.”

Seeing the shock on Jiyong’s face made Seung Hyun nervous, his mind began to race, thoughts of how Jiyong had found out about the texts and your reaction, this is the opposite of what he wanted.  He rambled, “I told her to not contact me anymore. I deleted the messages, I don’t want anything to do with her. You know that. You know what she did to me.”

“Oh God,” Jiyong sighed, wishing that you had let him call Seung Hyun last night. If he had called, this could have been avoided and nothing would have happened and this realization was disabling, “Hyung, she saw the messages and assumed…”

“No,” Seung Hyun said. That demon was not going to ruin anything else in his life. His mind raced from thought to thought, getting a new phone number, calling the succubus and berating her, to what you must think of him, and he felt drained. Closing his eyes, he knew that there had to be more, and he said in a hushed voice, “What else?”

“You can guess how she reacted,” Jiyong said, his voice raw from holding back tears. He felt terrible, but he couldn’t stop and forced himself to look at his friend as he forced the words out, “I fucked her. Last night.”

Not sure he had heard him right, even though Jiyong had said it clearly, Seung Hyun stared at him. His mouth falling open as he tried to see past this, but there was no going past this. He felt something drip onto his arm and realized he was crying, something his supposed friends mocked him endlessly for, but he didn’t care.

Watching as his words settled on his friend’s shoulders, Jiyong needed him to understand, otherwise all of this was for nothing, “It was like it had all happened again. With that shithead. You didn’t do anything and I should have called you but she wouldn’t let me-”

“I need to talk to her,” Seung Hyun interrupted.

Searching for words he didn’t think he’d need, Jiyong said, “She doesn’t-”

“Bullshit,” Seung Hyun hissed, “And fuck you. Get out.”

“No,” Jiyong said firmly, “This is fixable, you have to listen. I spent years, _fucking years_ , Seung Hyun, knowing this and seeing her hurt. I know her and you-”

“You _do,_ don’t you,” he spat, “You know her even better now.”

‘You don’t know what it’s like!” Jiyong shouted, his patience nothing but a vague notion as he stood, “He fucking tore her apart, and it happened all over again last night. I would do anything to keep her from being back there and I couldn’t fucking stand it. Not again. I will not watch her suffer.”

Seung Hyun understood, he was pissed and didn’t want to be in the same room as Jiyong, but he understood. He would bolt at the first sign of anything like what his ex had done to him, and he couldn’t blame you for avoiding the situation, it was self preservation. It made sense and it hurt. He didn’t want to lose you.

Sitting again, Jiyong continued softly, in a defeated tone, “We were drunk. She… _fuck_ … she asked me ‘Why her’… She asked me why I’m her friend, why I care. Y/N doesn’t even get why someone would want to be her friend, and I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t know how to make it better, and then-”

“Enough, I get it,” Seung Hyun couldn’t handle hearing anymore. He needed time to process this but the logic that you and he weren’t even together, that what had happened, however cruel, wasn’t unforgivable kept him from lunging at Jiyong. Even in his current state, he knew he could get over this, but only if there were hope. Meeting Jiyong’s eyes, he asked, “How do I fix… _this_?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten days and you were fine, alright, ten obscenely long days and you were managing. The fallout from what had happened seemed to be minimized by Jiyong. Like you, he had to go back to work and act like things were fine. You couldn’t imagine how awkward it was to work with Seung Hyun after everything. Jiyong had been trying to talk to you about what happened, but you shut him down. It all hurt so much, and you couldn’t afford to keep reliving it.

Ten days and you were fine, alright, ten obscenely long days and you were managing. The fallout from what had happened seemed to be minimized by Jiyong. Like you, he had to go back to work and act like things were fine. You couldn’t imagine how awkward it was to work with Seung Hyun after everything. Jiyong had been trying to talk to you about what happened, but you shut him down. It all hurt so much, and you couldn’t afford to keep reliving it.

Walking toward your favorite coffee shop, you were trying to think of how you could get out of Jiyong’s dinner party later. He liked calling them that: dinner parties. They were just adult versions of a kegger as far as you were concerned, and you didn’t want anything to do with it. The last thing you needed was to see a bunch of happy people getting drunk and enjoying themselves while you wallowed in misery.

After you ordered your coffee, you checked your phone to look busy and had another text from Jiyong. He was relentless, and you were tempted to tell him you felt like shit, but then he’d cancel. You didn’t want that. When you name was called you looked up and your heart stopped.

There he was. He was with her. Trapped and unable to look away, you heard a child called out, “Daddy!” and you saw him bend to pick up the toddler. You forgot about your coffee and ducked into the bathroom. The last time you had seen those two was flashing through your mind and you were losing it. Catching your reflection in the mirror, you saw a weak and pitiful person and you hated it.

Grabbing your phone and hastily texting Jiyong, you stared at your reflection as you shoved your phone back into your bag. You were done with this shit, and fuck anyone who tried to get in your way. You were done being this broken thing that needed to be taken care of, and you walked out of the bathroom, grabbed your coffee and walked past the happy family that could have been yours.

* * *

Change was hard. It was evening and you were planted on Jiyong’s couch, watching everyone else enjoy themselves around you. Despite your decision to not let what happened keep you from  enjoying yourself, everything seemed to remind you that you weren’t like other people. Jiyong made a point of checking in with you every thirty minutes, and you wondered if he had a timer set to remind him to do this.

That thought made it worse. He couldn’t even enjoy his party without worrying about you. Getting off the couch, and noticing that people seemed to be heading out, you were able to relax a little. Seeing how late it was while pouring yourself another drink, a wave of relief washed over you. You had survived. Bonus points for not burdening Jiyong with what had happened at the coffee shop.

Resuming your post as resident couch warmer, you waited for Jiyong to say his goodbyes to the rest of his guests and sipped your drink. Since that night, whiskey put you off and you had switched to something less intense: wine. Enjoying the cabernet and thinking about watching a movie with Jiyong, you felt more than fine. It was probably the wine, but it was such a pleasant break from the constant misery you had been hiding.

As if on queue, someone walked into the room and you made eye contact with them. _Sonuvabitch_ , you thought as you said, “Sonuvabitch.”

Your jaw clenched as Seung Hyun stopped dead, and you were up and on your way to the bathroom before anything could make it worse. Slamming the door behind you, you knew that Jiyong had done this. He had insisted that things weren’t what they seemed, but it was bullshit. Men were never content. No one could ever see you as more than part of a whole person, and you can’t love someone or be committed to someone when they are so totally and completely broken.

Unable to stand, you backed into a corner, sliding against the wall as you wrapped your arms around your legs. Hugging yourself as tight as you could to keep from literally falling apart, wave after wave of insecurities and unwanted thoughts coursed through you. This hadn’t happened since you found out what he had done, and you were drowning in it.  Keeping your voice down was not an option. The pain, the undeniable ache tore through you and you sobbed. Deep gasping breaths as you bawled like a child in Jiyong’s bathroom.

* * *

Jiyong closed the door to his apartment, half dreading and half excited as he walked toward the living room and saw Seung Hyun, “I told you to wait.”

“I- You-” he tried to explain, but he couldn’t. He’d never seen that look on someone’s face and he knew it was a bad idea to even still be there.

“Where is she?” Jiyong asked, any pretense that he was his normally calm self gone.

Still unsure what had happened, Seung Hyun pointed toward the bathroom down the hall and watched Jiyong break into a run, sliding a bit when he got to the door. Seung Hyun watched as Jiyong pounded on the door, and he couldn’t do anything.

Slamming his hand on the door, Jiyong shouted, “Let me in, Y/N!”

The only reply were her panting breaths, and Jiyong lost it. Running again, he was riffling through his dresser, finding the key and back at the bathroom door. Seung Hyun took a step forward, not sure what he was supposed to do as Jiyong got the door open and disappeared inside.

He hadn’t closed the door, and Seung Hyun could hear everything. It wasn’t curiosity that drew him closer, he didn’t know how but he wanted to help. The whole situation was so messed up, but he couldn’t stand hearing you like this. He didn’t realize he was standing in the doorway until Jiyong shouted, “What?!”

Seung Hyun’s anger had faded completely, the truth of the situation hitting him hard and making him feel awful. He tried to blame the demon temptress, but even then, that seemed unfair. She didn’t know what she had done, even though she had probably acted out of malice. He wished he had known your past before the two of you had started, but he didn’t care anymore. It was like Jiyong had said, he couldn’t bear to know that you were in so much pain.

As he stood in the doorway, watching Jiyong try to hold you tight as you seemed to disintegrate, he heard what you were saying, and everything seemed to fall into place in his head.

“It hurts!” you bellowed, drawing in a deep breath, “He fucked her, he fucked her in my bed!”

Jiyong tried his best to quiet you, but it was no use as you continued to let out every thought you had denied for two years, “He’s fucking happy! I can’t take this. It’s going to tear me apart!”

Just like that night, so long ago, Jiyong did everything he could, but it wasn’t enough. He’d never seen you this far gone before, and he had never heard you say any of this. Ignoring Seung Hyun until he was in front of Y/N, on his knees, his eyes locked on you, Jiyong was stunned. He didn’t fight or try to stop Seung Hyun as he sat on your other side, his arms around both Jiyong and Y/N.

Without a word, Jiyong pulled Seung Hyun closer, and heard him whispering to you, “It will be fine… you can do this… hold on a little longer… please…. it’ll be okay… I can make it okay…”

In complete awe, Jiyong not only noticed that your crying seemed to be dying down, but you physically relaxed. As your breathing evened out and you leaned your head against Jiyong’s shoulder, he met Seung Hyun’s gaze and couldn’t even begin to know what to say and hoped that the gratitude he felt was evident.

Seung Hyun smiled at Jiyong before resting his head on your shoulder. He knew what you were feeling, even if what caused it was nothing he had ever dealt with, that type of pain was universal. The problems, the obstacles, they didn’t matter now that he knew. In that moment, holding you as your breathing evened out, he knew that he’d do everything in his power to never let you feel like this again. He understood why Jiyong had kissed you, Seung Hyun didn’t need to drink to have the urge. It was so hard to tell someone how you felt, to put it into words, and when they needed to know, sometimes physical affection was the only way to express it.

None of you knew how much time passed before you blurted, “I saw him. Today. He was so happy… with her.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jiyong said, “ _He_ doesn’t matter. You have me and…”

As Jiyong’s words failed him, Seung Hyun chimed in, “And me.”

“Toilet paper,” you said, completely exhausted. Jiyong handed you some and you wiped your face, blowing your nose and disgusted with how loud and gross it was. Without hesitation, Jiyong grabbed the offending wad of toilet paper and threw it away.

Leaning your head against the wall, you thought aloud, “What am I supposed to do?”

“Movie,” Seung Hyun blurted, amused when you and Jiyong glared at him.

Jiyong had been trying and unable to think of anything, and was shocked at his friend, but quickly agreed. Getting you off the bathroom floor was easier than expected, Seung Hyun wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he walked you to Jiyong’s room. Getting you settled in the bed as Jiyong tried to find a movie, he overheard Seung Hyun, “…. _my ex, I blocked her number and I don’t care about what happened with Ji._ ”

Trying to stall once he found a movie, Jiyong listened hard for your reply and nearly lost it when he heard you say quietly, “ _Really?_ ” Your voice, although rough and quiet, was hopeful. Getting the movie ready took no time and soon the three of you were in Jiyong’s bed attempting to enjoy ‘The Evil Dead’. Your obsession with Sam Raimi baffled Jiyong, although he couldn’t help but enjoy that moment.

Being like this again, feeling your body against his, even under these circumstances, was more than Seung Hyun could have hoped for. After a few minutes, he felt your hand on top of his and without even thinking, he laced his fingers with yours. As your hand squeezed his, he felt good for the first time in years.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jiyong’s party, Seung Hyun had gotten a ride home with you the next morning after having breakfast together. It was like the last two weeks had been some terrible fever dream. The three of you joked and made plans to do it again. Seung Hyun wanted to talk to you alone, but didn’t want to push you. He was aware that whatever had changed was tenuous, and he didn’t want that bond to break ever again. As you drove, listening to the radio and singing along under your breath, he thought about how much he looked forward to seeing you again.

After Jiyong’s party, Seung Hyun had gotten a ride home with you the next morning after having breakfast together. It was like the last two weeks had been some terrible fever dream. The three of you joked and made plans to do it again. Seung Hyun wanted to talk to you alone, but didn’t want to push you. He was aware that whatever had changed was tenuous, and he didn’t want that bond to break ever again. As you drove, listening to the radio and singing along under your breath, he thought about how much he looked forward to seeing you again.

He didn’t ask you in, even though he wanted to, desperately. About an hour after you had dropped him off he heard his phone go off a few times but didn’t know if he wanted to check it. The worry that it was the just Jiyong taunting him or work related was real and the hope that you had texted him something he wanted to hold onto for as long as he could. Finally breaking down, he unlocked his phone and his jaw dropped.

Five messages. He had gotten five messages from you and you wanted him to call. Checking the time and knowing he had about two hours before he had to meet someone for lunch, he took a deep breath and dove in. After a few minutes, he canceled his plans for the rest of the day, but didn’t say a word to you about it. It was more than he had hoped for hearing you laugh and joke with him that he’d cancel his plans for the rest of the week if you’d stay on the phone that long.

By the middle of the week, Seung Hyun had made up his mind. He still wanted to take things slow, but there was one thing he wanted more than anything else: clarification. When his phone rang Wednesday night, he decided that he’d bring it up, but carefully. After 20 minutes, it devolved into their usual banter that he had missed more than he thought he should.

“Manifest Destiny.”

_“That is not what that means, Oppa.”_

“Don’t care, I’m your’s.”

_“Oh, my god. Shut your face!”_

“Don’t you want me?”

_“Eh… you’re kinda weird….”_

As her voice trailed off Seung Hyun panicked, then your giggle cut through his worry. “ _Of course I do,_ ” you said, your bravado no longer there, replaced with coquettishness that made his knees weak.

“Good. That’ll make Friday night less awkward,” he said after a moment, his confidence reinforced.

“ _What’s Friday night?_ ” you asked, sounding a little annoyed.

Taking a deep breath, he said as casually as he could, “Well, I was thinking I could show up at your door with food and wine…” You didn’t say a word, and he still couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing that she’d go silent like this. Trying to keep calm, he pressed on, “Maybe watch ‘Drag Me To Hell’… I haven’t-”

“ _Yes. I mean-_ ” you interrupted, and he bit his bottom lip as he listened, “ _That sounds lovely._ ”

“Lovely? Who are you?”

You groaned loudly, “ _It’s almost midnight. I have to go to bed._ ”

After you hung up, Seung Hyun could barely contain himself. You seemed just as excited as he was, just like the last three weeks hadn’t been the shitstorm or emotional garbage party that they had been. He knew that you would have a hard time resisting a movie night, and he was so pleased that you didn’t argue about him going to your apartment.

There wasn’t anything wrong with his, but he liked your place. It smelled like you, and he couldn’t get past the idea of being back there. But he needed to keep his head. Seung Hyun was nearly overwhelmed with all the possibilities that Friday night held, but he needed to reign himself in.

* * *

As he turned to close the door, he said to the driver, “You don’t need to wait, I’ll call if I need to get picked up later.”

Walking up to your door, food, wine, and flowers in hand, he hoped that he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, but didn’t want to assume and wasn’t hoping to get into your pants. He just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. Knocking on your door and hearing you run to answer it, your footsteps slowing once you were near the door washed away any nerves he had had. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face when you opened the door.

_This was like deja vu_ , you thought as you looked up at him and he held out the flowers instead of coffee this time. He had that same slightly worried but mostly anxious look on his face, and you knew you were doomed. It didn’t help that he was wearing glasses, something you didn’t realize was such a big deal until you saw him in them. He was too much, and bringing you flowers even though you weren’t that sort of girl made you feel like you had missed a step walking down stairs. Your insides feeling like gravity was only a vague idea that they didn’t have to acknowledge in his presence.

Taking the flowers and stepping aside so he could walk in, you took a deep breath and you didn’t know if the flowers could ever compare to how he smelled. Unlike the last time, he didn’t stand and wait, but walked right past you into the kitchen. You leaned against the wall for a moment after locking the door, before you pushed yourself off it and walked into the kitchen, the sudden urge to wrap your arms around him undeniable as your mind wandered.

He was facing away from you, reaching to grab plates then taking food containers out of the bag he had brought. Part of you, a very impulsive part of you, wanted to walk up behind him, hold him close before lowering your hand to grip his…

“Do you want wine or something else?” he asked, completely derailing your thoughts and making you blush.

Biting your bottom lip as you thought, you replied matter-of-factly, “Wine is good. I like wine now.” Your eyes went wide, baffled at how stupid you could sound in his presence. Shaking off the embarrassment and hoping that you would relax a bit, you asked, “Need any help?”

He turned around, “I got this, but…” he trailed off as he tried to think how to word his question. Seung Hyun didn’t want to come out and say he wanted to stay the night, even if it was just on your couch, but the only idea he had had might seem stranger than he wanted. Gesturing to your clothes, he said, “Um… you’re overdressed.”

Reeling as a multitude of meanings that what he had said could have, you stared at him with your mouth hanging open. You weren’t wearing your normal t-shirt and leggings combo, opting for a dress instead. You stared down at what you thought was an appropriate outfit then back up at him, “Huh?”

“We aren’t going out, you should be comfortable,” he said, hoping you’d wear what he liked seeing you in. There was something about seeing you in a shirt and leggings that made him feel content and horny. He didn’t linger long on why this happened, only enjoying the thoughts when he had them. Part of him, the part that fought his decision to take things slow, was trying to telepathically tell you to not wear a bra,  despite himself, the hope that you’d pick up on this was very strong.

Catching on, you said uncertainly, “Okay… I’ll go change?” You were still unsure about what he was getting at as you walked out of the kitchen, when it hit you: Jiyong. Seung Hyun must think that when you and Jiyong hang out that it’s essentially a pajama party. Deciding that letting him think this was better than needing to dress up all the time, you closed the door to your room behind you and grabbed your favorite t-shirt.

Seung Hyun quickly took off his coat and got dinner set up while he waited for you. He was nervous again, but in a good way. Unsure how you would react to what he was wearing, hoping he hadn’t missed the mark completely. He looked down at his black shirt and trackpants, smiling to himself as he thought about the evening to come.

Fixing your hair in the mirror before you left your room, you reminded yourself to remain calm as you felt a slight panic at spending the evening with him again. This would be different, you reassured yourself. It was different. He liked you, you liked him, and he had made it abundantly clear that there was no one else. You blushed remembering how he had said he was yours, he didn’t claim you like you were property. He had offered himself. Seung Hyun was so different, and you loved it.

As you reached for the door, you had an idea and acted on it without giving it a second thought. Unhooking and pulling your bra off under your shirt, tossing it on the bed, you walked out to the living room confidently. You wanted to be comfortable around him, you wanted to relax, and maybe you wanted to mess with his head a bit. When you rounded the couch and saw his eyes drop to your chest, you grinned. He didn’t treat you like an object, but seeing his reaction was encouraging.

* * *

“What?” you asked when you noticed him staring at you.

“Nothing,” Seung Hyun said as he turned away from you and grabbed his wine glass. Throwing back the rest of his drink, he asked, “Want another one?”

The movie was done. You had spent it watching his reaction out of the corner of your eye, and it was more entertaining than ‘Drag Me To Hell’. He didn’t like horror movies, and it showed with every wince, every jump, and every time he covered his eyes. The fact that he had suggested it made it worse, but he had sat through it nonetheless.

Glancing at your empty glass you nodded, and grabbed both glasses. One thing about the evening that seemed off was how much physical distance there seemed to be. He seemed relaxed, sitting on one side of the couch, but you would have liked to sit closer during the movie. Reminding yourself that you were taking things slow and that sitting too close to him would throw any modesty or self control out the window, you focused on not spilling the wine as you refilled the glasses.

Seung Hyun couldn’t keep his eyes off you once you walked past him, practically snapping his neck as he leaned to watch you walk into the kitchen. He tried to calm down, knowing that it would be worth it in the end, when an idea popped into his head: what if taking it slow was a bad idea? He felt his face go slack as this idea took hold of him.

Taking it slow three weeks ago made sense, but now with all that had happened, it seemed wrong. He wanted you, and as he got up from the couch, he was determined to show you. Upon entering the kitchen, he froze. Trying to think of how to start this was as hard as he was at this point, and he was glad he had planned ahead so his excitement wouldn’t be noticeable as he felt his cock strain at the fabric of his boxer briefs. Despite his motivation, he couldn’t think of what to say and when you turned around his mind went blank.

You nearly dropped the glasses when you saw him behind you, “Shit! Don’t sneak up on me.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, taking a step forward.

Offering him his glass, you said, “I’m getting you a bell.”

He grinned as he closed the distance between you and took his glass. He sipped his wine as he tried to think of how to bring up his sudden change of mind. This had the potential to end badly, and he wanted to avoid pressuring you or giving the impression that all he wanted was sex. Seung Hyun wouldn’t say no, but all he wanted was to kiss you again or to not feel like he had to keep so much space between you.

As you stood in the kitchen for no apparent reason, you watched his face closely. He was so deep in thought it was almost amusing, but when you noticed his eyes darting from random places behind you back to your lips, something about the atmosphere seemed to shift. It was like the sun had just come out from behind the clouds, and everything seemed brighter and warmer. You couldn’t be sure that he was thinking what you thought he was, so you decided to test your half-formed idea.

Walking around him, purposely brushing against him and feeling that still unfamiliar jolt of excitement at the contact, you asked, “What do you want to do now?”

It wasn’t until he spoke that you realized he was close behind you, his voice seemed lower when he said, “I.. uh… whatever you want. Another movie, maybe?”

“It’s getting late,” you said, hoping that you weren’t wrong as you sat in the middle of the couch. Every move was calculated now, you needed to know if you were misreading the situation or if he had the same idea as you. You planned to only offer as subtly as you could, and if he brought up waiting or even hinted at it, you would drop it completely. Pushing him was wrong, but carefully testing the water was… alright it wasn’t fair to tease him, but you didn’t plan on leaving him high and dry.

Checking his watch, he realized that you might have to work. He stopped in front of the couch, now worried as he asked, before he had time to really think, “Do you need to go to bed? Ahh.. I mean.. If I need to leave-”

“No. I just…” floundering as you stared up at him, “… I don’t _really_ want to watch another movie…”

“What do you want to do?” he asked, again letting the words fall out of him. As he watched you blush, he noticed that you were in the middle of the couch now and before you could answer, he said, “We could… talk.”

Trying to keep your head as he sat next to you, twisting after he put his glass down and resting his arm on the back of the couch facing you. You mirrored him, shifting so that you were leaning against the back of the couch as you asked, “What do you want to talk about?”

“Uh…” he could only think about one thing, and it wasn’t talking, “I have no idea.”

You took a long sip of your wine as whatever promise there had been seemed to evaporate, replaced with an awkward tension. Setting your glass next to his, you were trying to think of something to say as the uncomfortable silence seemed to stretch on for an eternity, when you blurted, “You don’t like scary movies.”

Confused didn’t even begin to describe how he felt or looked as he tried to figure out how to respond, but you continued, words coming quickly,, “I don’t know anyone that does. Ji will only watch them sometimes otherwise it’s just historical dramas that usually revolve around a war that I’ve never heard of. I don’t mind it, and I don’t like making people watch something they don’t like- sorry. I’m babbling.”

“It’s fine,” he said, he had known all of this already. He’d been trying to find out as much about you since he first saw you, his efforts increased considerably in the past week. One thing Jiyong had emphasized is what you do when you’re nervous, and you were showing every sign. Biting your bottom lip, your hands fidgeting in your lap, and going off on a tangent.  As he took a minute, he watched as you bit your bottom lip, and found he couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

You looked up at him and waited for him to say something, anything, but he seemed frozen. Now that you could look at him, you didn’t want to look away. The shirt he was wearing wasn’t skin-tight, but it did emphasize how fit he was and it was distracting. You’re mind drifted as you remembered how smooth but firm his skin had felt.

As he tried to think of something to say, his mind and eyes drifting, he realized that talking was pointless. During the week, when you were both busy and couldn’t see each other was when you could talk. Earlier in the evening, conversation had been easy, but right now was different. Words seemed to get in the way, he didn’t know how to explain what he wanted without screwing it up, and he decided to act.

You shrieked when he suddenly reached out and poked your side, falling back and leaning on your elbow as you glared up at him. He met your eyes as he said pointedly, “Oh my God, you’re ticklish.”

That first night came flooding back immediately, and you couldn’t help yourself as you let out a slight whimper. You looked up at him and needed him to move, needed him to act. Your skin was on fire as he stared into your eyes, and a wicked smirk spread across his face when his hands were on you again. As if the past were repeating itself, you felt the weight of his body between your legs as your body shook with laughter.

When your legs wrapped around his waist, he stilled his hands, stroking your sides slightly. Looking down at you, his smile faded as he watched you place your arms above your head and sighed. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at you enough.

You opened your eyes and smiled up at him, squeezing him with your thighs playfully. That moment seemed so perfect, then you remembered him running off the last time. Part of you didn’t want to spoil this, but you didn’t want to do more than he was comfortable with. Quietly, you said, “We don’t- I mean, if you don’t want to-”

His lips were on yours, one hand in your hair faster than you thought possible, and he was pressing his hips against yours. You lifted your head when he pulled away, but his hand in your hair kept you in place. He was so close, leaning back down to kiss you once  before he said, “I don’t want to take it slow.”

Your heart raced as you replied quickly, “Neither do I.”

He growled as he held your hip and began to roll his hips, he watched you closely as your mouth fell open and you moaned. Seung Hyun could already feel he getting too close to release, but he had a plan. Resting his forehead against yours, he picked up his pace for a moment before he sat up.

Shocked at the sudden loss your eyes snapped open and you saw him sit up. He leaned back and cocked an eyebrow at you, “C’mere.”

He knew he couldn’t stop himself, but it wouldn’t take him long to bounce back. Even then, he didn’t want to rut blindly against you. As you got up, carefully placing a knee on either side of his thighs, he felt his cock throb. The thought of you on top of him, taking what you wanted, it made him dizzy with need. When you settled onto his lap, scooting forward a bit so his length was where you wanted it, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from your hips.

Unsure about where you wanted to put your hands, you gripped his shoulder and placed on hand on his chest. You started slowly rocking your hips, and he reacted immediately. Groaning and throwing his head back, you almost missed that he had said anything but only caught a few words. You stopped moving and asked him, “You okay?”

His head still resting against the back of the couch, he took a deep breath and said quickly, “I am so close, but-”

“That’s fine, I-” your words and his overlapping before you both stopped and stared at each other for a moment. You giggled at the expression on his face, a mixture of confusion and arousal, and you continued speaking, “I don’t need to-”

“Yes you do,” he cut you off, taking a moment to gather the courage to tell you what he found to be one of the most troublesome parts of his life since puberty. Sighing as he rubbed circles into your hips with his thumbs, he explained, “The first… one… is always… um… “

As you watched him struggle to speak, you placed a hand on his cheek and lifted his head so you could look him in the eyes, and asked, “But the second one?” His cock jerked beneath you before he could say anything and you giggled again.

He bit his lip before pulling you close, his hand on your ass as he ground against you. He whispered in your ear, each phrase emphasized by a thrust, “The second… the third… the fourth…”

“Oh god,” you moaned as you responded to his movements. Matching him and feeling his breathing devolve into pants as his hips began to lose their rhythm. You wrapped an arm around his neck, turning your head so you could run your tongue along the shell of his ear before biting his earlobe gently, “Cum for me, Oppa.”

His body spasmed beneath you and he held your hips against his, as he breathed out your name along with a string of obscenities. You could feel his body tense between your legs as he came down, loosening his grip on you but not letting go.

After a few moments, his arms were around you and he held you close, kissing along your neck. He rolled you onto the couch so he was on top of you again, brushing your hair out of your face as he searched your eyes. Now that he had released his tension, so to speak, he wanted to make sure that you wanted to keep going, “Ready for more?”

He watched as a bemused expression seemed to lighten your face, “Are you?” Before he could answer or worry, your hands were on him. One on the back of his head holding him down and the other quickly getting under his shirt, you kissed him. Parting your lips and feeling him respond, you needed more.

Seung Hyun reeled, your words had seemed taunting, almost mocking him but you weren’t, far from it. He was finally able to think clearly and he felt himself falling harder for you. As he followed your lead, responding to your kiss, he slid a hand down your torso until it was between your legs. He pressed his fingers against your sex and your head dropped to the side as your hips lifted.

He leaned into the back of the couch, giving himself ample room to toy with you as he asked, “You like?”

Completely taken out of the moment, you glared up at him and asked, “Really?”

Seung Hyun laughed as he ran his fingers along your sex, he felt his cheeks heat up before he asked, “Do you want me to keep going?”

Biting your lip as you tried to think of how to answer him without giving away how badly you needed him. Nodding as you adjusted your hips to give him room to lay next to you, the ability to speak was robbed from you as you felt his hand slide up then into your leggings. You weren’t sure if he meant to, but he had also lifted your panties doing this and when his finger tips met your slick heat, he muttered, “Fuck.”

No longer worried he was overstepping, Seung Hyun pushed himself up and moved down the couch. Kneeling on the floor, he slid his fingers along your waistband before he asked, “Do these come off?”

Lifting your hips and giggling as he pulled your leggings and panties down your thighs before dropping them on the floor, you felt embarrassed as he stared down at you. It had been so long since someone had seen you like this, and the way he was looking at you, like you were something to literally eat made you squirm a little. As he bent down, pressing gentle kisses into your thigh as he moved closer to where you needed him, you felt like you were boiling inside. You didn’t know what to do with your hands as you gripped a cushion and your shirt as he slowly made progress, then he looked up at you. His face was so close and he was staring at your face as he opened his mouth.

As delicately as he could manage, he flicked his tongue against your swollen lips and you gasped. The smile that spread across his face was predatory, he had guessed that you were responsive, and he wasn’t disappointed. Readjusting his position so he had better access to you, an arm around one of your legs, holding you in place, while the other was running up the inside of your other thigh.

You lifted yourself up to look down at him, it was overwhelming and he had barely done anything, but when he ran one of his fingers along your slit, his eyes still on your face, you pleaded, “Oppa… don’t tease… I can’t-”

His cut you off, he was licking and sucking at your lips while he tried to spread you open. His eyes still on you as he tried to not get lost in the way you tasted, he finally got what he wanted. Able to isolate your clit, he sealed his lips as best he could around it and began to gently suck, flicking the underside of his tongue against it. As your jaw dropped, he slid his first and middle fingers into your cunt and curled them.

Collapsing on the bed as you felt his fingers stretch you open, your hands were on the back of his head as you keened. Your body began to roll and you could barely register him placing his arm across your hips. Squeezing your eyes closed as you felt your body tense, your eyelids flew open when you felt him pull his face away. Staring down at him in disbelief, your body on edge, he grinned, “You know how good you look like this?”

Using the grip on his hair, you pulled his face back down to where you needed him as you begged, “Please, Oppa… more…”

This time, he didn’t tease. You had spread your legs wide, making it easier for him to focus his considerable attention on your clit. Increasing the pressure this time, gauging how hard to suck by the sounds you were making. He twisted his hand, able to slide his fingers into you quicker and harder. He listened and tried to watch as best he could as you fell apart beneath him. It was more than masculine pride that swelled within him as you shouted his name and he felt your cunt grip his fingers tight.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lifting his head, he was a little worried that he had gone too far. As he searched your face he asked, “Jagi?”
> 
> Draping your arm over your face as you tried to catch your breath. You heard him say something and you groaned. Words weren’t something you were ready for. You could feel him moving, not sure if he was getting up or getting closer, but in that moment you didn’t care. Mind racing as you tried to calm down, you ignored every thought unsuccessfully.

Lifting his head, he was a little worried that he had gone too far. As he searched your face he asked, “Jagi?”

Draping your arm over your face as you tried to catch your breath. You heard him say something and you groaned. Words weren’t something you were ready for. You could feel him moving, not sure if he was getting up or getting closer, but in that moment you didn’t care. Mind racing as you tried to calm down, you ignored every thought unsuccessfully.

You had thought about this moment so many times, but it was different to really be here. It was alarming how quickly you were losing out to your emotions as you felt something brush against your arm. Letting your arm fall above your head, you kept your eyes closed. Despite your brain screaming at you to see what was going on, you refused. There was only so much you could take in one day, and this was not-

“Y/N?” he asked, and you opened your eyes.

“Huh,” you said, thinking the words you wouldn’t dare say as you got lost in his eyes. He was so close and you were seriously compromised. The longer you stared up at him the worse your thoughts got, and you couldn’t deny it anymore, at least for now. You loved him. It wasn’t that he had just blown your mind or anything he had said, it was _him_. The Seung Hyun box in your head had broken open, spilling his ridiculousness and coating every thought and nerve. You couldn’t even consider the possibility that he could hurt you, you needed him, and you found you weren’t scared anymore. The realization was almost too much, and you were so happy when you noticed he was talking, anything to get you out of your head, you asked, “Sorry, what?”

“Just.. are you okay?” he asked, his smile was masking his concern and you knew you had to reassure him before he found out how completely mental you were.

Mouthing for a moment, you tried to think if you were okay, you knew you weren’t. “I’m good… just…” you trailed off as you tried to think how to explain what was going on without saying more than you should, “… wasn’t expecting that.”

“You didn’t like it?” he asked, clearly worried that he had done something wrong as he, gripping the back of the couch, his knuckles going white as he tried to not panic.

Shaking your head as you started to sit up, “It was good- _great_ , just… didn’t see that happening.”

Seung Hyun sat down to give you room. He was filled with doubt that he had pushed you too far, that he had screwed this up, again. Unsure how to even ask that, he watched you and his concern grew. You were so deep in thought. Racking his mind for something to say, something to fix this, you interrupted him.

Dropping your head back and looking up at the ceiling, you couldn’t help yourself as you asked, “So… you said something about seconds?”

When he didn’t reply you rolled your head to the side, he was so cute when he had no idea what was going on. Smiling at him you continued, “Second… Third…“

He narrowed his eyes at you, not wanting to assume despite the obvious, he said, “If you want to.” Kicking himself internally as the words left his mouth, he couldn’t believe he had just put it back on you. Seung Hyun wanted to be confident about where he stood before he did anything, but leaving everything up to you seemed wrong.

As you felt like you were being too forward, unsure how to respond, he blurted, “I want to.”

Feeling more than his cock responding, the urge to fight began to build in him. The need to prove himself  took over and he closed the distance between the two of you. His hand in your hair as he kissed you fiercely for a moment, he pulled back and waited.

Tasting yourself on his lips, you didn’t know what to say as you timidly cupped his cheek. You had romanticized this moment, built it up so much in your head, that you were scared this was a mistake. Part of you thought that you were moving too fast, that doing anything else would alter what you could have had. You were sick of worrying about what could happen, and you gave in. If you were ever going to get over your own bullshit and really move on, you had to actually do something.

Pushing him back, you watched his face fall then lift as you got up and walked back to your room. Turning before you were out of his sight and grinning as you caught him looking up from your ass, you asked, “You coming?”

Nodding as he scrambled over your couch, you giggled when he caught up to you. He wrapped his arms around you and the two of you walked awkwardly into your bedroom. He closed the door and turned you around, “Condoms?”

Practically collapsing onto your bed, you crawled across it and dug around in your nightstand when you heard him groan. _Shit_ , you thought as you remembered you weren’t wearing anything aside from the t-shirt, _too late now_. Pulling a foil packet out of the drawer, you looked over your shoulder and wiggled your hips, and asked, “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Algebra,” he said quickly as he started taking off his shirt and dropped it on the floor.

You pushed yourself up, kneeling on your bed as you watched him undress. You’d only ever seen him shirtless on screen, and you suddenly knew what it must be like to be a guy seeing a girl topless for the first time. His skin was darker than you had thought, but it was flawless and smooth. You knew that you shouldn’t stare at him so blatantly, but there was no helping it.

He watched you carefully as he approached the side of the bed you were nearest. He hated this part, always self conscious that he wasn’t good enough, that he was lacking something, but the look on your face was encouraging. When he was in front of you, he took your hand as you muttered, “Wow.”

“Wow?” he asked.

Biting your lip as you looked up at him, you nodded, “Yupp… wow.”

Grinning and ducking his head, he didn’t know how to respond, but had a good idea how you felt when you let go of his hand. He muttered, “Wow,” as you lifted your shirt over your head and gracelessly chucked it across the room.

Almost certain you had overshot, knocking something off your desk, you didn’t care when you saw his face. Trying not to laugh, you imitated him as best you could, “You like?”

He glared at you for a moment before he pushed you back, and you went with it, falling onto the bed. Seung Hyun bent at the waist as he pushed his pants down, resting a hand on the bed as he stepped out of them and said, “You are going to regret that.”

“But you say it!” you joked as he stood, and suddenly nothing seemed funny anymore, quite the opposite. He was still wearing his boxer briefs but you found that they didn’t really conceal much.

Kneeling on the bed and crawling toward you, pressing kisses as he moved up your body, he lifted his eyes and watched as your mouth fell open. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he felt your legs open beneath him, he whispered, “Shut up.”

As he settled between your legs, you raised your hands and placed them on either side of his face as you said, “Shutting up.”

“This is why we can’t have anything nice,” he muttered, resting on his elbows as he smirked down at you.

Rolling your eyes, you tried to not to freak out as the reality of what had and was about to happen hit you. Harboring a crush for as long as you had with him and after all the bullshit, this moment felt too real and completely unreal at the same time. In moments like these, your mind did what it did best: thinking of as many stupid things to say.

“We have nice things?” you asked, and the look of confusion on his face was worth it.

“We could,” he said as he grabbed your hands before you could retaliate, holding them down as he grinned and lowered his head. You shrieked with laughter as he blew a raspberry into your neck before licking up to your cheek. Struggling beneath him, you got the advantage when you wrapped your legs around his hips. Using what little leverage you had you flipped him onto his side and he let go of your arms.

Completely free now, you were able to pin him to the bed, straddling his hips, “I don’t want nice things.”

“What do you want?” he didn’t know why he asked, or why he sounded so serious. It was you. You did this to him and he genuinely wanted to know so he could do whatever he could to get you what you wanted. The need to do this was sudden and cemented as he looked up at you and saw your face shift from silly to serious as quickly as his had.

There was more to this question than simple banter, and you were so close to blurting what you wanted. Opting for the marginally less insane option, you leaned down and kissed him. The light atmosphere that had been waning was now gone, every touch made you feel like it was more than it could be. You resisted reading between the lines as you let go of his arms.

He let you lead for a moment before gripping your hips and flipping you over. Holding your gaze, he said, “Tell me what you want.”

_Oh shit_ , you thought as you felt the words leaving your mouth, “You.”

Searching your face for any sign that you were lying or telling him what he wanted to hear, he felt the wall that he had put up to keep himself safe start to crumble. Without another word, he pushed his boxer briefs down and kicked them onto the floor. Grabbing the condom, he tore it open and tried to put it on as best he could one handed, when he felt your fingertips brush his arm. His head lifted and he stared at you as he felt your hands on him, stroking his length as you worked the condom onto him.

You were embarrassed to look up at him, but forgot about it when he tilted your head up as he got into position. The anticipation was almost as bad as your nerves, and it was like he knew you were worried as his thumb stroked your cheek. You felt him at your entrance, he whispered something that you didn’t hear as he slid the head of his cock along your sex.

Closing his eyes as he tried to remember this feeling and distract himself at the same time, he lined up and pushed into you. Taking his time, he thrust shallowly, carefully entering you, not out of fear of hurting you but to savor the moment. As the wall inside him seemed to disintegrate, the fear that what he felt for you wasn’t reciprocated filled him. When his hips met yours, he opened his eyes and thought he had missed something while he was in his head.

You were biting your knuckle to keep from crying out. He wasn’t hurting you, he wasn’t too big, but he was Seung Hyun and your body seemed to overreact to him. Up until the epic mistake that was sleeping with your best friend, you hadn’t been with anyone for almost two years, but you weren’t a blushing virgin. You knew, in the back of your head, that it was because of how you felt about him that had you on edge and that he had gotten you very worked up, but that wasn’t the whole story. When he stilled and you felt his hand playing with your hair, you realized you had your eyes closed and opened them. Meeting his eyes your body shook noticeably.

As if that was what he was waiting for, Seung Hyun started to move above you. For a moment he let you keep your improvised gag, but he adjusted so he could grab your wrist and place it above your head. Once you had nothing to help you bite back the sounds you needed to make, it was unstoppable. He watched your mouth fall open as you sighed each time he bottomed out at first, his pace still slow. Deciding to put some more force behind his thrusts, he lost the ability to think. His worries, the nonexistent wall, and any plans were gone.

Gasps turned to moans, loud and long as he snapped his hips. He dropped his hand to your hip and your body responded, lifting to meet him as his other hand fisted in your hair. His grip on your hair keeping your focus locked on him. You could see sweat starting to bead on his face, his pupils dilated, his jaw slacken and lips parting slightly as he panted with each pass his cock made along your inner walls. You were hypnotized by him and didn’t notice how loud you were getting.

“Just like that,” you groaned, “Please don’t stop.”

Your bodies moved together like they were meant - no, designed for each other, and you needed something to ground yourself. Quickly approaching your second orgasm, and one that you were not capable of handling, you grabbed onto the nearest thing.

As your nails dug into his shoulder and bicep, he lost it completely. Grunting as he drove his cock into you, he knew he was close but couldn’t stop himself. He tried to warn you, “Y/N…. I’m… I’m gonna…” but it was too late.

He felt your legs lock around him and your back arch as your cunt gripped him tight. Seung Hyun tried as best he could to watch as you came, but it was too much and you pulled him over the edge. Dropping his head to your shoulder as he slammed his hips against yours a few times then held himself inside you, he reveled in your body taking what it wanted from him.

Trying to catch your breath, you started giggling as you loosened your grip on him and wrapped your arms around his neck, stroking the back of his head. Feeling his breath fanning out on your skin, his still hard cock inside you, and that pleasant weight of his body on top of yours was all you ever wanted. You could feel the stinging in your eyes and fought against it as you were overcome with what you could only assume was happiness.

His breathing returned to normal, but found himself unable to move as his mind raced. Finally able to think again, he only had one thought and he needed it to get out of his head. It was too soon and far too much, even after everything that had happened. He didn’t want this idea in his head, even though it was beyond being merely an idea. As he felt your hand on the back of his head, he mouthed the words, just moving his lips as if he were saying it to you and he was able to move on.

Lifting his head, he knew he had the dopiest smile on his face but couldn’t help it. You grinned back at him and he kissed you, first your lips then moving to your cheek then jaw. Turning your head so he could keep going, you heard him whisper, “I have to take care of…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered back. As soon as he got up, you felt the loss and wanted him back.

Tying off the condom, wrapping it in toilet paper and dropping it in the bathroom waste basket, he caught his reflection. Stopping mid step, he stared at himself and smiled. It was his face, but different and he knew that difference was what he had realized after he came. Normally, post-orgasm was an ugly place in his mind, filled with regret and disgust at what he had just done for the sake of momentary pleasure, but this was nothing like that. Walking back to your room, it dawned on him that he didn’t just have some vague notion, but had come to a decision. The hardest part was waiting until he could act on it, because tonight was not the night for declarations and promises. Climbing back on the bed, he asked, “So… what do you want to do while we wait?”

“Wait?” you asked, confusion evident on your face.

Laying on his stomach, his head propped on an elbow as he looked at you, he explained, emphasizing the last word by cocking his eyebrow, “Well, in about twenty minutes I’m gonna find out if you like being on _T.O.P_ …”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running back into the dressing room, Daesung close behind and laughing almost as much as you were. The last time you went to one of their concerts was years ago, and you hadn’t gone backstage then. Jiyong had tried, but you didn’t want to intrude on whatever it was they did to get ready. Now you didn’t think they’d ever be able to keep you away.

Running back into the dressing room, Daesung close behind and laughing almost as much as you were. The last time you went to one of their concerts was years ago, and you hadn’t gone backstage then. Jiyong had tried, but you didn’t want to intrude on whatever it was they did to get ready. Now you didn’t think they’d ever be able to keep you away.

Maneuvering around the tables and the other people who were working, you and Daesung found the couch and fell onto it. Panting and laughing, you held up your hand and he didn’t hesitate to high five you. Your laughing seemed to redouble as Jiyong and Seung Hyun turned around in their chairs, but their unasked questions were answered when Young Bae came running into the room, shouting “Evil! Pure fucking evil!”

Jiyong and Seung Hyun were now looking at him as he stomped toward you and Daesung cackling on the couch. You rolled off and pointed up at Young Bae, barely able to get out, “Your fucking face!” through your laughter.

As you continued to laugh and attempt arguing with his bandmate, Seung Hyun smiled and enjoyed the moment. The past couple of months had been so easy, it was like something out of someone else’s life compared to the first few weeks. He knew how resistant you had been to meet the rest of the band, but once you did it was like his life was starting to fall into place.

The way you and Daesung were together was probably his favorite, you were like demonic twins. Young Bae and Seungri were your favorites to mess with, and even if he was outside of these games it didn’t bother him. Daesung seemed like the spark that ignited your transformation into the happy person you were supposed to be, it was like the timid, antisocial person he had met years ago never existed. You hadn’t changed, you had relaxed, finally able to be yourself and enjoy life.

Seung Hyun smiled to himself as he looked back to the mirror when his stylist came back, and Jiyong couldn’t believe he was so calm. Normally before a show he showed his nervousness, and considering what he was planning after, Jiyong didn’t know how he was keeping it together. Leaning over and tapping Seung Hyun’s arm, Jiyong said, “The kids are having fun.”

Nodding and now dismissed from his chair, Seung Hyun got up and decided to join in the fun. Walking up behind Young Bae, who was still arguing with you, he asked, “What happened?”

Sitting on the floor and giggling, you said before anyone else, “We… we followed him and he.. Young Bae.. he… “

As your laughter seemed to overtake you, Daesung chimed in, “He was flexing! Like a kid does! He was flexing in the mirror and making these faces.” Digging in his sweatshirt, Daesung pulled out his phone, but before he could show Seung Hyun anything, Young Bae was on him trying to take the phone.

You crawled out of the way as the two fought on the couch, your laughter filling the room. Rushing to your side, Seung Hyun’s arms under yours as he dragged you away. Falling to the floor next to you, Seung Hyun asked, “Did you get any pictures?”

Holding your phone up and beaming at him, the two of you were quickly flipping through the numerous pictures. Young Bae was the first to notice the two of you on the floor, shouting, “Come on, guys!”

He tried to get off the couch, but Daesung wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him back, and shouting, “Run!”

Before you could get up, Seungri groaned and everyone went silent. He had just gotten back from a trip and was exhausted. Turning back to Daesung, you held a finger to your lips. Only an hour before the show and you knew that they’d be going on stage. You were so excited, but you needed to bring it down a notch, even if messing with Young Bae was quickly becoming your favorite hobby.

* * *

Watching them perform was insane. You had spent so much time avoiding this aspect of their lives that when they took the stage you didn’t recognize them at first. By the time Fantastic Baby started, you may have forgotten that they could see you. Singing along and mimicking their dancing, you gave a loud shriek when the first chorus hit.

As the night went on, you tried to forget that you knew them. You wanted to get lost in the show, but that was all thrown out the window when they started acting up on stage. The worst of it was when they were turned away from the audience and played a very obvious game of grab-ass. You were surrounded by other fans, laughing as they continued to goof off and genuinely enjoy what they were doing.

After the second encore, you didn’t even know people still did that, when they were bowing and saying their goodbyes, Seung Hyun found you in the crowd. You smiled and screamed at him, as if you didn’t know him. Not missing a beat, he held his arms above his head, making a heart, and winked at you. The girls around you screamed and jumped with you.

Once they left the stage, you walked out with the rest, filing slowly out of the arena chatting about the show. You didn’t know the people you were talking to, but you didn’t need to. You were all fans and being surrounded by people like this was something else. In your normal life, where you went to work and had to play grown-up all day, there wasn’t a place for any of this. You’d never been able to really talk about it with anyone and you enjoyed every minute until you had to sneak back into the arena.

Hiding had become easier. You passed for a regular person because you were one, and you were adept at blending into a crowd. It had become more like a game each time you went out with any of them, like being a spy. Humming the Mission Impossible theme to yourself as you walked up to a security guard and flashed him your badge, you didn’t know why you had tried to avoid this before.

* * *

Two glasses of wine into dinner and you were feeling your exhaustion. Running around with Daesung earlier and the concert had worn you out more than you thought as you leaned your head on Seung Hyun’s shoulder, “I need bed.”

He chuckled and rested his head on yours, “I do too, but… food…”

You groaned and sat up, noticing that Jiyong was staring at you with a weird look on his face. Continuing to not act your age, you picked up a small piece of bread and threw it at him. He held up his hands to deflect it as he asked, “Could you behave?”

“No,” you and Daesung said in unison before pulling faces at Jiyong.

After eating, you and Seung Hyun said your goodbyes, but were stopped from leaving as Jiyong pulled him aside. Shrugging at you as he was dragged away, Seung Hyun asked, “What?”

“Tonight. You’re gonna do it tonight, right?” Jiyong whispered once they were out of your sight.

Placing his hands on Jiyong’s shoulders, Seung Hyun smiled and turned around without answering. He was back at your side and walking away as he heard Jiyong shout, “Text me when you get home!”

* * *

Walking back to your apartment after dinner, the restaurant only a few blocks away, you held his hand and enjoyed the silence. You were still being cautious, but any worries that something bad would happen seemed distant in that moment. The last few months had been dream-like, and you didn’t want it to end, tonight only reinforcing the idea that what you and Seung Hyun had was real. He was going to be going on tour, leaving for a few months, but you weren’t worried.

Jiyong and Daesung had helped you make arrangements so you could surprise him twice while they were traveling. The worst of it was keeping it from him, but you managed. You knew he was worried about being gone for so long, and you hoped that it wouldn’t get to him.

As your apartment building came into view, he pulled you in a different direction, you said, “Hey, babo, I live down there.”

“I want to show you something. And don’t call me ‘babo’, babo,” he said as he lead you toward the park.

Not questioning him, only hoping that whatever he was doing wouldn’t take that long, you walked alongside him. It was spring and the trees were blooming, even in the moonlight it was stunning. As he guided you off the path and toward a rather large cherry tree, you were about to tell him how tired you were when he stopped.

Standing under the tree, he turned to face you for a moment before grabbing your shoulders and moving you so your back was almost touching the tree trunk. Smiling up at him you started to ask what he was doing when your face fell.

_The fuck_ , was your last coherent thought as he dropped to a knee and looked up at you. You watched his face without hearing or comprehending a thing, and he noticed. Waving his hand in front of your face, you snapped out of your daze and met his eyes.

“You okay?” he asked, finally showing how nervous he was.

You made a noncommittal noise and tilted your head.

He pulled a small box out of his pocket and fumbled a bit as he tried to open it. Time seemed to slow down as your blood pounded in your ears, certain that if he was doing what it looked like he was doing you were going to pass out, vomit, and cry, but not necessarily in that order..

Looking up at you, he held out the box and simply asked, “Marry me?”

“What?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Fuck you.”

He flashed a grin, “Later… unless you say ‘no’…”

“ _Fuck you_ ,” you hissed, feeling your eyes burn with tears.

For a moment you stared down at him in complete disbelief, but then it hit you. This is what you always wanted. The bastard who shall not be named always spoke about getting married, having kids, but he never followed through. That waste of humanity had taken all of your hopes and dreams of a bright future and torn them to shreds.

Seung Hyun knew everything, and he had never once brought this up. Never asked if you thought you’d get married, or if you even wanted to. As you stood and stared at him, that grin on his face, you couldn’t believe he had taken such a big risk. With your history, you were more likely to refuse and possibly leave him in the dust than agree to this, but that wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to run from him, and as that thought rang in your mind, you felt the corner of your mouth lift in a smile. You held out your hand and nodded as the first tear fell.

He fumbled for a minute getting the ring out of the box and onto your finger. As he stood and held out his hand, wiping the tears away, you were able to ask, “Why?”

“Why not?” he replied, searching your eyes as he continued, “Not like it was easy.”

“If it was easy, you would have disappeared,” you said as you felt more tears fall.

He wasn’t expecting that, and was at a loss when it hit him, “I’m not going anywhere, do you-”

“Yes,” you spoke over him. The last thing you wanted was more miscommunication and you pulled him to you, kissing him hard and whispering against his lips with complete sincerity, “Duh.”


End file.
